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this post was submitted on 05 Oct 2023
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It's not a radical thought, it's just wrong.
Desired fertility is higher than actual fertility. https://ifstudies.org/blog/why-canadian-women-arent-having-the-children-they-desire
I have three kids, and if money wasn't a factor my wife and I would probably have 4 or 5
As the oldest of six, having grown up quite poor, thank you for stopping while still in your means.
From that same study, you need to acknowledge that many women also REGRET having kids or too many kids.
"“excess” births have a larger unhappiness effect than “missing” births individually,"
Also, from that same study, which basically proves my original point:
"Many factors influence Canadian women in having fewer children than they desire, but the most influential factors relate to the ideas that children are burdensome, that parenting is intensive and time-consuming, and that women want to finish self-development and exploration before having children. The view that parenting is demanding is a bigger factor for low fertility than is housing or childcare costs."
Literally, the study being reported says that housing and childcare costs are NOT the biggest factor. Exactly as I said.
I wish you guys downvoting would at least read the damn study before shooting the messenger.
Much of that regret comes from cost pressures, not the actual existence of the children. Even if you can "afford" children, having to have both parents work full time to afford them doesn't make it easy to actually raise them.
If one parents was SAH and money still wasn't a problem there would be far fewer regrets.
Well, yeah, it's not saying that people hate their kids. LOL
According to the same survey the article linked to, people are less happy when they have more kids (than ideal) vs having fewer kids (than ideal). It doesn't say that cost pressures are a main factor.
If you look at the reasons why people don't want kids (original survey linked in the article), then you could assume that those same factors explain why people having regrets. No opportunity to grow as a person, the time commitment, less freedom, the derailment of their career, etc. (per the survey results).
A different study said that:
" Older parents with minor children still at home are less happy than their empty nest contemporaries by about 5 or 6 percentage points. And ... Both men and women report less personal happiness and less happy marriages when there are minor children around the house."
But I suppose happiness and regret can be different for each person. Having a child grow up to be a successful, contributing member of society would probably make parents happy.
I'd say that the vast majority of parents aren't in that situation, though. They not only have to continue to support their child into adulthood, but they never had a chance to develop personally because their child was never independent enough. I can see how that would cause a lot of regret for older parents.