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can anyone tell me wtf this is?
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No, a pill bug is not a type of millipede, they're actually crustaceans, and not closely related.
Pill bugs used to be one of the few exclusively terrestrial crustaceans, but now almost all insects are classified as crustaceans, so, i'd have to double check the phylogenies.
Oh? Okay then, well either way I've learned something new today. Interesting, not like it's going to change the price of weed in Colorado for my daily life, but thanks for sharing. ๐