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this post was submitted on 17 Oct 2023
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Asklemmy
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Was a serious alcoholic for 12+ years.
I do things the hard way. I lost apartments, jobs, girlfriends, etc over and over again for years, scraping by at rock bottom. One DUI wasn't enough, I had to go get another several years later. That's the one that pushed me truly past the edge to be ready to quit. By that point, I knew very well how awful my addiction was for me. There was nothing romantic about drinking anymore. Just pain and shame. I harnessed my guilt, depression, and self-loathing and turned it into absolute, seething hatred for alcohol. Otherwise I'd fail, again, and swing through a gas station for a 40. I couldn't be around people drinking anymore. I started buying cigarettes from places that didn't sell booze. I started painting miniatures for DnD and Warhammer 40k to keep me busy at home, which worked really well for me. I didn't go to AA, but I had in the past (and I had the nerve to pound a beer beforehand and then insist - to other alcoholics who clearly knew better - that I was sober, to my unending shame).
Addiction is insidious. It talks to you in your own voice, all the time. I had to drown that out with hatred. I started replacing "alcohol" with "poison" in my thoughts. I watched drunk people downtown with absolute disgust, mostly at myself for having acted like them. And I set goals for myself, because a large part of why I drank was out of despair. I went back to (trade) school. Met a great partner. Anything and everything I could do to keep myself moving. I used to just lay in bed, drinking and watching Netflix on my phone, so I forced myself to at the very least get up and dressed and spend my days off in the living room instead. Breaking patterns, you know?
It's a lot. Sometimes, 6.5 years later, I still find myself thinking a beer would be nice. I have to shut that shit down hard. A year after I dried out, my mom passed from alcohol-caused organ failure. It was a sad, painful end for her. That memory helps keep me on track.
Find something to do. Find lots of things to do. Rewrite the way you think about your addiction and turn it into a conflict you're dedicated to winning. That voice in your head isn't your friend, it's The Enemy and it Wants You Dead.
This is what many people don't get. It's the same with depression. You have to stand up against your own mind and its thoughts, that makes it so so difficult. What thoughts can you trust?
Stay strong, my dude.
This is how I quit smoking. Not comparing the two but you need to not be around it, if you are around it admit you are NOT in control and have a trusted friend help you (easier to not be around it).
Everyone says replace it with something healthy. No, replace with absolute hatred and loathing.
People underestimate how powerful anger yoked to the proper cause can be.
"Anger is a gift." - Rage Against the Machine
Something something dark side...
I know you're meme-ing, but bear with me.
Media tends to present things as black-and-white because it makes for an easier story to digest. The occasional downside is that people take in the media without adequately critiquing it or pulling it apart and thinking about it. So you get your "something something dark side", or other people operating on advice about anger that they got from children's shows when they were 5.
Anger...yoked to the PROPER cause...is powerful. It can be useful as all hell.
Waking up my anger is how I got myself out of an abusive home--it gave me the ability to act instead of just staying there frozen. So, being motivated by my anger got me out of the situation, which bettered my entire life.
Anger is also how I broke the cycle of abuse, funnily enough. I got so angry that they DIDN'T break the cycle for my sake that I dove head-first into self-improvement to figure out how not to repeat it myself. Anger at them being stupid failures is how I drove myself to be better.
Sure, you can think of anger as something that only ever is destructive--but in the real world, that's not true. It's a kid's tale. You can yoke the motivating factor of white-hot anger to get you out of shitty situations or to improve yourself...and you won't actually get black veins crawling over your skin and red glowing eyes.
Hi, I was joking, you are correct, but in an earlier comment I agreed with the person and said anger was how I quit smoking.
I don't want to make it seem like it's on the same level as what you have dealt with and I really feel like you seem like a strong person that has been through something that can break you.
Again, I was just goofing around, and basically agree with what you said here, despite my attempt at levity.