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Selfhosted
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I'm in the same boat and looking at options. I've benchmarked several options tht provide their own relays, and am in the process of setting up my own relays to test out on oracle free tier vps, which will probably be the best option as all the bandwidth that vps can handle will be dedicated to you and not shared. That said I've found tailscale to perform the best and twingate to perform the worst. I'm looking at netbird and netmaker but they're extremely buggy and difficult to get going. Netbird is just busted in so many ways. Netmaker's relays can't get past my cgnat. Self hosting both of these should work but I've not tried it yet. The absolute easiest to set up has been tailscale though, can't go wrong with that. For most use cases except for handling massive amounts of data, tailscale should be more than sufficient. That said, I'm looking to try selfhosting netbird, netmaker and headscale to see how those perform compared to tailscale's own relays.