How are cishet people viewed in general in the LGBTQ community? (beehaw.org)

submitted 1 year ago by Lumo@beehaw.org to c/lgbtq_plus@beehaw.org

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First of all I'd like to apologize in advance for any insensitive statements I might make (I hope I don't though), I'm trying my best not to and I was just curious :)

I'm an 18-year-old cishet guy currently in uni and recently the thought popped into my head that I have no clue how the LGBTQ community would view me as someone who's not in the space or actively an ally. I would more accurately describe myself currently as a "don't care" person in the sense that to me it genuinely does not matter what someone identifies as or who someone is attracted to. I don't know how much this means, but I have multiple gay friends, my roommate is bi and I dated a person who went as a girl in day to day life because it was more convenient to her/them although she/they told me she/they partially identified as nonbinary (correct pronoun usage pls >.<) but I don't know if all this is the classic "but i have a black friend" argument that racists use.

To cut to the point: I'm curious as to how I would be seen by queer people in general, as I've witnessed both very inclusive and nice people (mostly here), but also some that said that LGBTQ places are not to be used by cishet people and I'm wondering what the best attitude to take would be.

Thanks!

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[-] millie@beehaw.org 2 points 1 year ago

I see this happening so often and it honestly just baffles me. It costs nothing to actually take the time to care and to acknowledge when things aren't the way they should be. Even when you screw up yourself, the outcome is soo much better so quickly when you're willing to just say "I hadn't thought of that, I didn't mean to make things worse", or "you're right, that sucks". Just that acknowledgement makes such a big difference.

People are terrified of acknowledging any sort of privilege or discrimination or even just significant difference sometimes, maybe because they feel like it'll make them feel like they're on the outside or something? But acknowledging oppression in a world that denies it is exactly what puts you on the same page with other people when they're suffering, not joining in on insisting that everything is fine.

It's so much easier not to be a jerk. But I think people get caught up in this idea that their thoughts in any given moment are the be all and end all of what they are. Growth isn't permissible because growth implies that something is wrong in the first place. I suppose in a punitive-minded society it makes some sort of sense.