Greetings.
I'm in quite of a pickle here, and just thinking about it will get me nowhere.
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I attend a group hobby weekly.
Quite often we go for a follow-up hang-out in the local bar. I recall everyone else buying a drink and coming to sit down to have a chat.
I don't buy anything. I wait for the first of us ordering and then I follow them to the table.
One of our attendees has commented on my behavior twice so far.
First she said that I'm a bum. That I use the bar's staff and the place for my own benefit. There's a chance that she said that in front of someone else.
Last night she commented that I'm still doing this (we two sat alone for a while). She's afraid that they'll throw us out because of my behavior.
I explained that I rarely buy stuff from bars.
On the second comment I said that I'll probably continue this behavior to the end of times and they won't throw us out because everyone else spends money. And that my friend said that she or her friends do the same thing quite commonly.
I could have felt her loathing upon me.
I don't have the money to buy pricy consumables.
I have my own water bottle and sometimes snacks from a market to keep my belly full enough. Or then I don't eat anything and eat later.
I'm there because of the company.
The employees haven't commented anything about my behavior. I don't know, would they even care.
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Thoughts?
Am I unfair or is she?
I'm thinking about asking her next time that should I just leave if I'm such a bother to her.
I'm also thinking about suggesting us to talk about this as a group.
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EDIT: I don't think this is about alcohol. I believe most of them order something else cos it's late Monday and most people go to work the next day.
EDIT2: We don't have the tipping culture here.
EDIT3: Thanks for all the comments! You give my mind and feels some peace 💗
I would go with something along the lines of: "it's called responsibility, Friend. I have my own finances to consider, and I am not responsible for the bookkeeping of this establishment. There is no drink minimum. Let the bar's business be theirs, mine be mine, and yours be your own."
To go one step further, ask a server in front of them if it's ok if you hang out and don't drink, if I'm with a group. They will say "yes, that's fine".
Just the last sentence imo. The rest is debate and I’m not sure there’s a point laying out reasons and getting into it with her.