You shouldn't diagnose people you don't know

I’m sorry you had to experience that on discord. Unfortunately the internet has become a forum for everyone’s worst behavior. I think this might be a good metaphor or why masking is sort of pushed on neurodivergent individuals. Imagine the impossible task of uniformly cleaning up everyone’s behavior online. It’s probably one of the most persistent issues experienced online. Instead of changing everyone’s behavior, you change your own to avoid those types of uncomfortable situations. It’s the online version of real world masking. It’s unfortunate and really sucks and I wish it was different, but most humans are wired a certain way, and changing that wiring is equivalent to rewiring human nature, and if we could do that, the world would be a much different place.

As to the situation with your wife, I have this issue as a NT living with my NT wife and I don’t know a person alive who doesn’t. You’ll need to evaluate that situation alone because every relationship is different.

My dude, as an elder millennial living with ADHD, I feel like you diagnosing TSwift over there internet is pretty cringeworthy. When you say “… reasons I think Taylor Swift could be ND” you are basically diagnosing her which is weird. Period. Nothing to do with ADHD. Don’t go diagnosing people.

There are a couple of other things to say that just sound better. Think about 1) what you are trying to tell people and 2) why your perspective is interesting. It sounds like you are trying to talk about behaviors you see in Taylor that you identify with, and (2) you identify as neurodivergent (ADHD).

You can make the same post along those lines, and I think you would get a much better response.

I don't want you to feel like you're being dogpiled, cause I don't think anyone here is like, upset with you.

But Taylor Swift fans are like, the exact opposite kind of crowd for that type of message. You wanna find things you have in common with her, you go right ahead, no harm done at all. But Swifties react irrationally to anything they'd perceive as an attack on her. You just picked the wrong audience, is all.

Sorry if my response was unhelpful. My honest suggestion is to keep trying and eventually, hopefully, you’ll be able to find a group of people who appreciate who you are.