Grieve. Be kind to yourself, be kind to them. Allow yourself to feel without resisting the feelings. But don't chase them either.

There isn't a right way to feel for most of this.

Part of grieving is reflection (usually). Remembering good times, bad times and wish-they-were-different times. Find a way to be with those moments and accept them as they are: moments. They aren't lost, just future ones will be different.

And that's okay. Or it will be. And you'll be okay, too.

I ruminate too. I tell myself it helps me learn, helps me grow, helps me remember not to "x". It rarely helps. It's just a conditioned response that makes me feel more control while i actually lose some.

What truly helps is healing. Learning that sometimes compatability isn't a you tho Ing or a them thing. But it's still a thing and somebody called the spade a spade.

If you weren't up to your standards, then rise. Otherwise, coat yourself in patience. Listen to YouTube videos like Tara Brach. Be honest with yourself as you heal. We all have barbs, we all have scars.