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Hold on..
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this post was submitted on 18 Jul 2023
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Did someone comment this already? Well in that case it probably did not federate to my instance.
Nah man, just asking, cuz I always see your comments first, and I do New as well, not many people do though, lol, that's why I was asking ๐.
Always use new ... like a normal person.
Algorithms are for people who never learnt to tie their own shoelaces.
A really good example of when not to use an algorithm but it is forced upon the users is Facebook Marketplace. Who wants to see suggested items in a competive secondhand buying market??? It's a first in best dressed environment. Shows how out of touch with reality FB Devs are.
Completely agree on that. I've never bought anything on FB, just because it was f*ing annoying with the suggestions. FFS, if I wanted to buy something, I'll look for it, OK ๐.
I use All/Hot, but whenecer I post something, I immediately switch to New to verify if my post is up and federated, and I just so happen to see this post. But in all other cases, its probably just nobody had anything to say until I started commenting. I refresh Lemmy like every 5 minutes so I probably see posts before many people. Most people are at their jobs, but I'm just a depressed college student currently taking a year off so I actually have energy to either continue college or get a job. Most people don't have as much free time as I do.
Just swipe down and refresh man, no need to reload the feed ๐.
lol, me as well ๐.
Depends what you do and where you work. I work in IT, so... any time when there is no emergency is free time, lol ๐.
BTW, what did you study?
Computer Science. I didn't even make it one month and my depression got so terrible, I could not even take in any information, and I didn't have any motivation to do assignments. And my dumb ass was trying to get away from my parents so I signed up for campus housing (it was technically off-campus, but it's owned by the university.) and by the first night, I got terrible anxiety attacks and I kinda got paranoid that people would murder me when I sleep (ya know, those news stories about murder in college, thats why I'm paranoid), so I couldn't even sleep until 3AM the first night. Oh, did I mention I have to share a room with someone? Yea that kinds suck. And my first class was next day at like 9:10AM, and since I had practically no sleep, I woke up at like 8AM and felt anxious af and there's no breakfast at the residence hall besides a vending machine so if I want to eat, I'd have to get to the campus. And I didn't even know how the shuttle bus/vans even work and I downstairs at 8:30AM to wait for the shuttles. Then I got there at 8:55 so I thought: Hmm lets get some breakfast, and there's nothing I liked so I just got some chips anyways, even though chips isn't even real breakfast food. But then before I knew it, it was already like 9:07AM so i panicked and finished my bag of chips (2nd bag of chips btw) and rushed to the classroom (I don't know why I always imagine those big lecture halls you about college in the media, but here its just classrooms) and got there like a few minutes late, it was the first day so professor didn't even care. I felt a bit like: Did I just come late the first day? Fuuuuck!
So that's my first day. Then it just goes downhill since I couldn't adapt to the situation I had to go home on the second day of college, just to time out a bit, then I just got into a habit of sending weekends at home and only weekdays in the residence hall but I also go home on Tuesday or Wednesday night because I'm anious af. And I had to restart my antidepressants because it just keeps getting worse. And at one point I just got so sad I took my entire bottle of antidepressants, in my college apartment room. But like I didn't get a reaction or anything, just felt a bit "high" for the next 24 hours, nobody even noticed, so like I didn't go to a hospital or anything. This was like the second week. So by the first week of the second month of college, I couldn't do it anymore. I missed so much assignments I couldn't ever catch up. I wanna jump of a bridge. So I just told my mom about it and she "okayed" me pausing college. But the tuition couldn't be refunded because it was a bit too late at that point so she was out like $8000 dollars (it was a state university, and I live in state) for the semester. So basically from that point on, I was a dissappointment to her. Every week she reminds me how I wasted her money. I mean I don't think I can ever fix depression. I feel like depression made my IQ drop like 10 points. If college had an IQ test (thankfully they don't) I probably wouldn't be allowed to be re-admitted.
Anyways, I know people love to leave their parents as soon as they can. But you never know if you are actually capable of doing it until you try. I couldn't even do it with all my expenses paid by my parents, I definitely wouldn't be able to if I had to fund myself. The future just seems so bleak to me. Like I can't even function as a human being.
Sorry for the wall of text... wait, did I just write an essay of my life story? Ahh... I wish I had this motivation when I was still in college.
Good thing I asked, I kinda felt there would be emotional/info dumping. I'm here buddy, any time you need to talk ๐.
Meeh, don't worry about being late on the first day, can happen to anyone. In fact, I was always late fir classes, lol ๐. Good thing I did state competitions in high school, so everyone was lenient on me. Uni wasn't as easy regarding the late thing, but once I got to know a few people that were always on time, I decided to hang out with them, cuz... you can't be late if you hang out with the ones that are always on time, lol ๐.
My point is, don't beat yourself up over it, it can happen to anyone.
This is... not OK IMO... especially since she knows you've got a condition. Hey, it's only money... money comes, money goes. Sure, they are a necessity for living, but... hey, shit happens. I've probably burned like 30k in my life for people that didn't make it in the end (radiation therapy, cancer), but shit happened... that's why they're called savings, you save for... whatever, whether it be good or bad.
I think you should maybe move in with a relative or somethig, maybe your dad... or maybe like get a gf, move in together. This just seems like a really toxic environment to be in. I can relate up to a point, cuz my dad used to be somewhat toxic (he's deceised), but not to that level. He'd usually give me shit about the music I liked or how I dressed (he wasn't even a boomer, early boomer at best, he was born 1939... I think). Still, if he was the only parrent I had left, I would have probably moved out.
Meeh, depends on the pareents if you ask me. My mom was pretty OK, so I didn't move till I was getting married.
That's your depression and anxiety speaking. Sure you can, everyone can, it's not that hard. You just rob a few convenient stores and you have anough money for the month, lol ๐.
Seriously though, it is hard, but we have to do it. Go to a therapist, get a second opinion, cuz your current prescription might not be good for you... you may need dosage adjusting and/or adding/removing something from the mix. After that, try and find a job, something you think you might like doing, so it wouldn't be a drag to actually go to work and do your job. Do a bit if that, save up some money, do a bit of soul searching in the meantime, whether you really like studing computer science or not... just really dig into it, but let things settle down, don't do this or that impulsevely. Than, after a year or two, make a general plan of what you would like your life to look like and just follow it ๐คท. There will be ups and downs, no doubt there, but every time you take a punch, get up and move on. Learning how to lose is the biggest lesson in life you can learn ๐.
No worries man, any time ๐ ๐. PM if you feel like talking ๐.