So, all jokes aside, I'll share some things with you that I've learned. Some from experience, most from Matt Colville's Running the Game series.

Matt describes (here) two major archetypes, and then several variations on those:

The Player: they are excited to explore the world and engage with the GM, they want to do Stuff

The Audience: they are perfectly happy watching the story unfold. They'll engage in combat or conversation when required, but really enjoy just…watching.

And here's the key point. Both are okay. It is okay to engage with the game in a way that makes you happy. Provided you allow everyone else to engage in the way that makes them happy. But when you force others to play your way, you become another archetype: The Wang Rod

I think you'll find the real key to enjoyable gameplay is to clearly and openly communicate what you enjoy about the game. There's absolutely nothing wrong with liking character optimization, or wanting to jump straight to the action! Be open about what you enjoy, and find out what your fellow players enjoy. Learning to work to the strengths of your fellow players is super gratifying. And don't forget your GM, they need to know what you enjoy so that they can balance gameplay for everyone.

My first time running a game i tried to be Matt Mercer, and i tried to get the party to engage like Critical Role. I didn't understand, well, a lot of things. Once I realized I had a Power Gamer, a Comedian, a Taskmaster, and two Audience Members, the game got a LOT more enjoyable. For everyone. I dropped clues for the Taskmaster. I gave the Power Gamer opportunities to use their optimized build. I set up the Comedian with perfect opportunities to drop "that's what she said" on the Boss. And most importantly, I dropped backstory on the Audience without forcing them to role play just to get the story. I told them how their character felt b/c that's what they wanted!

Do yourself a favor. Go watch that Coleville video. It's geared for GMs, but it has gems for everyone. And who knows? Maybe you'll find you like being behind the screen as well.