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this post was submitted on 08 Jan 2024
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Why didn't they just adopt? There's 100k+ children waiting to be adopted right now in the US. Why go through all the trouble and effort of surrogacy just to have a biological child? Seems weird to me.
Because adoption isn't as easy as it sounds. A couple friends of ours started the process 5 or 6 years ago and weren't having any luck (even after spending tens of thousands of dollars on the process) and weren't having success so they asked someone we know to be a surrogate for them in 2019 and had their son in 2020. It wasn't until literally two weeks ago that they finally got placed with their adopted child from several states away from a young pregnant woman who didn't want to keep the baby. The adoption process costed them significantly more than the surrogacy. They could afford it because one is a physician but this highlights how difficult it is unless you want to adopt an older child who most likely has behavioral issues after being forcefully removed from a bad situation.
It sounds like your buddies specifically wanted a newborn which led to the difficulty. Why? A three, four, or five year old doesn't meet their standards?
Why do you get to put your standards on them?
There's 8 billion people in the world and most of them are suffering. Choosing to bring another person into this world for pure vanity is one of the most selfish acts a person can do, as it means that another child will go unloved.
I addressed that at the end of my comment. They were fostering (with plans to adopt) a child around that age for a while who still received visits from her mom. The mother, who had her custody removed by the state, persuaded the girl to make false accusations against our friends in order to torpedo the adoption process.
Most of those 100k kids waiting to be adopted are older kids. A lot of people want to start with an infant. Not everyone is equipped to adopt a teenager who has been in foster care for years. Then there are people who want bio kids.
Source? My buddy adopted last year and had no problem finding an infant for adoption.
Your one friend != all experiences.
Source: https://www.adoptuskids.org/meet-the-children/children-in-foster-care/about-the-children#:~:text=They%20range%20in%20age%20from,by%20their%20parents%20or%20guardians.
They got their source from: https://www.acf.hhs.gov/cb/research-data-technology/statistics-research/afcars