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No Scan Do
(i.kinja-img.com)
A place to share and discuss stories from The Onion, Clickhole, and other satire.
Great Satire Writing:
Just been in a restaurant in France that thought a tablet would be a good idea for a menu. Fucking dimwits hadn't switched off the screen sleep though, and you had to tap it to wake it every thirty seconds
Plus it was an iPad, which only pensioners use, it was fucking awful
That sounds like an entirely unpleasant experience.
Reading your post inspired me to write a wryly informative yet droll linguistic comment for your edification and enjoyment (and my own entertainment). However my comment may strike you, in any case, I am certain it is entirely unrelated to the miserable experience you describe in your comment, as well as the content of the original post. Ready? Ok.
At face value, the message is entirely clear from what you've written. The restaurant owners required you to use a tablet to browse the menu items they have on offer, and that tablet had a particularly poor user experience.
However, I found your last sentence quite ambiguous, and interestingly so:
I see at least three interpretations of this sentence fragment:
Okay, yes yes, readings 2 and 3 are hyperbolic; however, this was intentional, partially for the lolz, but also to convey a sense of saliency for the respective interpretations.
The internet comment section is such an interesting treasure trove of human language. See, in typical language use (by typical, I specifically mean how language evolved, as humans in the bush, making sounds at each other around a fire), there are a multitude of cues that go beyond the simple string of words, collectively referred to as "pragmatics." These are nonverbal cues like body language and facial expression, but also verbal cues like prosody, intonation, and stress. There are also "discourse" level aspects, like how we can follow the overall point of a speaker. (As an example of discourse, I told you up front that my comment would be somewhat amusing and educational, and hopefully I have delivered that to you - if I haven't, well it's still the discourse level pragmatics that underlie your feeling of annoyance or disappointment.)
Another pragmatic element is shared knowledge. Off the bat, we both have some fluency in English, but pragmatically (ha, see what I did there?), that's a given, but it goes further than that. Friends and family have a history of shared experiences. On the Internet, well we're both Lemmings, so we likely have an aptitude for technology, as well as other niche hobbies or interests. Shared knowledge is more or less anything that one speaker can assume about another on the basis of experience or overt group membership.
This is what is so interesting about Internet comments though - the pragmatics of language are often missing! This sentence might have been 100% clear if we had more shared knowledge. Perhaps all that was needed was hearing you say it, which would have carried prosody and stress.
Anyway, I hope you learned something interesting.
Was the food good at least?
I've fixed it for you, ya gobshite ๐
I meant it's only pensioners who use Apple products, they're designed for people who don't understand stuff
Hence the popularity in the US ๐
The food was reasonable, but not exceptional, and ridiculously overpriced
Ooh, gobshite has a nice ring to it ๐คช
Sounds about right for French cuisine. Yes, I said it - French cuisine ain't that great, it's just buttery.
"Reasonable, but not exceptional, and ridiculously overpriced..." Could be an apt descriptor for the iPad too!
It's a bummer that they kind of dominate the tablet space though... I want a tablet, but have been avoiding pulling the trigger because iPads are designed for the sticky fingered folk.
I dunno, France is one of the rare places where it's difficult to find a bad restaurant; they just wouldn't survive as food is so ingrained in the culture.
The problem was, I was in a ski resort; the menus are designed by culinary geniuses but cooked by bored season workers who are only interested in their next red piste or their next chalet girl's vag
Re tablets, was surprised by the S8 I got for my wife; it's an absolutely cracking piece of kit that's as good as any Crapple offering without being tied to a walled garden
Fair enough. Ski resorts in the US mostly only offer burgers and fries, so the seasonal worker attitude is more understandable. Leave it to the French through to try to put a fine dining experience atop a ski slope.
Will check out the Samsungs, thanks for the recommendation. Cheers, good chatting with you :)
The Galaxy S series is very nice. The Galaxy A tablets are best avoided.
Yikes
Why's it yikes? I'll admit it was a bit of a ramble, but my comment was (mostly) coherent, factual, and at least a little humorous. No?
Written by ai?
Nope. I'm just a bit loquacious.