The Onion

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Ghosts of Christmas Past, Present & Future Debut Radical New Strategy (hard-drive.net)

submitted 49 minutes ago by ZeroCool@slrpnk.net to c/theonion@midwest.social

1 comments fedilink

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134

Here Are All the Games That Merrick Garland Played Instead of Doing His Job (hard-drive.net)

submitted 1 day ago by ZeroCool@slrpnk.net to c/theonion@midwest.social

6 comments fedilink

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254

Study: More Americans Buying Firearms To Defend Selves From Toddlers Who Found Their Guns [Video] (youtu.be)

submitted 1 day ago by RmDebArc_5@sh.itjust.works to c/theonion@midwest.social

4 comments fedilink

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221

Joe Biden Pardon’s Hunter After Being Told the Man Is His Son (thehardtimes.net)

submitted 2 days ago by Garibaldee@lemm.ee to c/theonion@midwest.social

6 comments fedilink

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American Express Launches Small Sweatshop Saturday (theonion.com)

submitted 3 days ago by ZeroCool@slrpnk.net to c/theonion@midwest.social

0 comments fedilink

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Anti-woke free-speech advocate disgusted to learn that his bathroom at home is gender neutral (newsthump.com)

submitted 3 days ago by ZeroCool@slrpnk.net to c/theonion@midwest.social

24 comments fedilink

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358

Child dying from measles just glad he isn't autistic - The Beaverton (www.thebeaverton.com)

submitted 3 days ago by GrymEdm@lemmy.world to c/theonion@midwest.social

4 comments fedilink

Bartlet, who says he used to enjoy Pokemon, soda, and being alive, tells everyone how great it is to be left totally defenseless against common childhood diseases from the 1940s.

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380

Study: Overuse Of Hair Detangler Giving Rise To Product-Resistant Supertangles (theonion.com)

submitted 5 days ago by RmDebArc_5@sh.itjust.works to c/theonion@midwest.social

9 comments fedilink

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RFK Jr announces plan to put cocaine back into Coca-Cola (chaser.com.au)

submitted 6 days ago by Garibaldee@lemm.ee to c/theonion@midwest.social

54 comments fedilink

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Amazon's New Warehouse Robot Mocks Workers With Bathroom Breaks (isglitch.com)

submitted 5 days ago by EtAl_isGitch@lemmy.world to c/theonion@midwest.social

3 comments fedilink

Latest AI Enhancement Includes 'Biological Function Simulation Protocol'

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Donald Trump spends afternoon killing all Thanksgiving turkeys pardoned by Joe Biden (newsthump.com)

submitted 6 days ago by ZeroCool@slrpnk.net to c/theonion@midwest.social

10 comments fedilink

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FDA Bans Captain Morgan Rum After Having Way Too Much Of That Shit In College (theonion.com)

submitted 1 week ago by RmDebArc_5@sh.itjust.works to c/theonion@midwest.social

16 comments fedilink

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Report: Most Americans Have Enough Saved For Absolutely Incredible Single Day Of Retirement (theonion.com)

submitted 1 week ago by RmDebArc_5@sh.itjust.works to c/theonion@midwest.social

11 comments fedilink

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Defiant Joe Rogan insists he’s not a propaganda asset, just actually this stupid (www.thebeaverton.com)

submitted 1 week ago by ZeroCool@slrpnk.net to c/theonion@midwest.social

84 comments fedilink

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Conservative Vows to End All Systems of Child Abuse Except Ones That Actually Exist (thehardtimes.net)

submitted 1 week ago by seahorse@midwest.social to c/theonion@midwest.social

8 comments fedilink

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Local Police Department’s Secret Santa Gift Exchange Entirely Made up of Punisher Merch (thehardtimes.net)

submitted 1 week ago by seahorse@midwest.social to c/theonion@midwest.social

4 comments fedilink

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Netanyahu Insists on Crimes Against Humanity During Game Night (thehardtimes.net)

submitted 1 week ago by seahorse@midwest.social to c/theonion@midwest.social

1 comments fedilink

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Dead Bird On Sidewalk Leads Man To Contemplate Own Inevitable Collision With Plate Glass (theonion.com)

submitted 1 week ago by jbk@discuss.tchncs.de to c/theonion@midwest.social

2 comments fedilink

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It Is Journalism’s Sacred Duty To Endanger The Lives Of As Many Trans People As Possible (theonion.com)

submitted 1 week ago by FlyingSquid@lemmy.world to c/theonion@midwest.social

4 comments fedilink

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Misinformation Laws Not Necessary, Says Meth Addict Peter Dutton (theshovel.com.au)

submitted 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago) by ZeroCool@slrpnk.net to c/theonion@midwest.social

23 comments fedilink

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‘You’re The Bonnie To My Clyde,’ Says Biden Running Off With Pardoned Turkey (theonion.com)

submitted 1 week ago by ZeroCool@slrpnk.net to c/theonion@midwest.social

4 comments fedilink

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God Looks 400 Millennia Younger After Infusing Self With Son’s Blood (theonion.com)

submitted 1 week ago by RmDebArc_5@sh.itjust.works to c/theonion@midwest.social

2 comments fedilink

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Beaverton: Experts warn Trump dangerously close to figuring out where Canada is (thebeaverton.com)

submitted 1 week ago by GrymEdm@lemmy.world to c/theonion@midwest.social

3 comments fedilink

While experts have chillingly predicted that Trump may soon be able to identify Canada on a globe, others have offered hope.

“I don’t often say this as a medical professional, but we’ve really got dementia on our side here,” explains Dr. Arthur Anderson of the Calgary Alzheimers Research Alliance.

Dr. Anderson elaborates, “Given how much of the campaign President Trump spent rambling to Joe Rogan and jerking off microphones, the prognosis indicates that by January he won’t be able to find a bathroom unassisted, let alone Canada.”

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Trump Begins War on Elites by Giving Them Powerful Government Appointments (theshovel.com.au)

submitted 1 week ago by ZeroCool@slrpnk.net to c/theonion@midwest.social

6 comments fedilink

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Company Immediately Calls Job Applicant Upon Seeing 'B.A. In Communications' On Résumé | ONN (youtu.be)

submitted 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago) by TachyonTele@lemm.ee to c/theonion@midwest.social

3 comments fedilink