[ ... ] what is it about DEs - or tbh more accurately, Gnome specifically - that has people being like “this isn’t what I want, therefore it’s a piece of SHIT. Why do they hate their users? Why do the users use it? Don’t they realise the devs hate them??”

You're comparing Gnome and distributions which isn't a very good comparison. Firstly because distributions are pretty much interchangeable, despite what people say, as they all pretty much do the same thing and install the same software, and secondly because Gnome has some history behind it.

In the early days, there wasn't really much of a choice as far as desktop environments were concerned. You had a few fairly nice (for the time window managers), but if you wanted something integrated, there was Gnome or KDE. And KDE relied on the non free (at the time Qt). However Gnome kept changing and breaking stuff. The users kept asking the devs not to do it, and the devs quite literally told them to fuck off. A good number of people grew resentful towards the whole project around that time (and notably towards de Caza, who managed the whole thing). Soon enough Qt was freed, and many moved to KDE where the devs listened to users, where the concept was to empower and not to coerce. The difference was simply amazing.

I just suspect that you came in late to the show. I've had Linux on my desktop for close to 30 years now. So maybe Gnome got better, but it's too late. They burned their bridges. As far as I'm concerned, it's their turn to fuck off.

Now you know why there's bad feelings towards them.