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(lemmy.world)
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this post was submitted on 13 Feb 2024
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That's not particularly good advice. Seeing someone at the absolute worst point of their life isn't "truly knowing someone". When my lifelong best friend died, I was in shambles for months. That's not who I am as a person, it's who I was during extreme loss.
Imagine breaking up with someone because you "saw their true nature" when they lost their dad.
That's kind of the plot of Midsommar. The main character loses both her parents and her sister, but her boyfriend is really detached and uninterested in helping her move through her grief. In fact, it turns out he's been planning a trip to get away without her going along, then she finds out and he feels guilty so he brings her along anyway. And in this new life, she's about to find the community that can nuture and support her at HIS and his friend's expense.
I think all of Ari's recent works have been centered around loss, in some way or another. Maybe Beau being centered around loss is kind of stretching it, but that movie is so crazy it is in a category of its own.
I'm sorry for your loss.
it is a part of who you are though, how you handle loss.
Some people become destructive and never recover, and that is something you would ideally want to know about someone before a lifelong commitment.
When you make a lifelong commitment, you work through tragedy together. You don't go "I don't like the way you're handling this, so fuck you, I'm out". You lift each other up when you're down. You know, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, and all that jazz.
True, but also true that beforw you reach the lifelong commitment stage it is understandable to decide that you might not want to do it with someone who might not fit your expectations of mental stability from a partner.
It sucks but the truth is that if you dated someone for a few weeks, then they went through some tragedy and became unstable for months you might decide to breakup since that realtionship is more unstable then stable.
I do think once you reach the lifelong part, you should stick it out no matter what
I can agree with that. A relationship that enters tragedy too early probably isn't going to last.