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(lemmy.today)
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this post was submitted on 20 Feb 2024
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What if Jake wouldn't have consented if sober, because although he thought Josie was a smoking hot sex goddess and would probably consent to some hanky panky next week, he had only broken up with Janie a few days prior and wouldn't want to hurt her by moving on too soon, does that still make it rapey?
Was it reasonable for Josie to believe he would consent to sex while sober?
If Jake had explained to Josie that he was really hurting about breaking up with Janie, and didn't want to do anything that would jeopardize his chances of fixing that relationship, then it would not be reasonable for Josie to believe he would consent to sex while sober and therfore she shouldn't have had sex with him.
Unfortunately our society's sexist gender conditioning have ingrained lopsided expectations that people have to navigate.
Is it unfair that it's more reasonable to believe a drunk man would soberly consent to sex? Yes. But that doesn't change what's reasonable for Josie to believe. We don't know what information was available because it's a hypothetical, we can imagine all sorts of scenarios.
If you're not able to assess if a person would soberly consent (because you're drunk, or because they're drunk) do not have sex with them.
Your answer is great, but it really addresses whether Josie ought to hook up with Jake, not whether doing so would be rape.
As a young man in my 20s, there were plenty of times I ought not have had that 6th beer, ought not have ate some more cake, ought not have driven quite so fast.
To me, if someone cheats on their partner while drunk, even if they would not have done that while sober, that does not make them a rape victim. It may well make both participants repugnant scum, but the term "rape" is a serious one and I don't think it really applies in my this specific example.