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submitted 9 months ago* (last edited 9 months ago) by ZeroCool@slrpnk.net to c/theonion@midwest.social

"MOSCOW – Officials from the Kremlin, under the close supervision of Russian President Vladimir Putin, have concluded an autopsy of Alexei Navalny, concluding that the recently-deceased opposition leader spontaneously sentenced himself to 30 years in a remote Siberian gulag before then ingesting his own poison that he brought from home."

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[-] MotoAsh@lemmy.world 44 points 9 months ago

Yea this one seems like less satire and more stating the obvious. Russia would even say something this dumb. Didn't they LITERALLY say several people fell out of windows as official explanations over the years? They also say asinine things about any embarassing moment, like some now claim the attack on Kyiv was a "raid attempt" and not a fucking new opening of an older war...

[-] just_another_person@lemmy.world 6 points 9 months ago

Hundreds have jumped off balconies since Putin took over. It was also known to be the preferred calling card for urban KGB operators when he was working with them.

[-] andrew_bidlaw@sh.itjust.works 5 points 9 months ago

Some TV mouth breather already announced an 'investigation' claiming he'd show dying was his last provocation against Russia.

[-] kautau@lemmy.world 5 points 9 months ago

“Suicide by two gunshot wounds to the back of the head”

[-] dasgoat@lemmy.world 1 points 9 months ago

That's more the US style of getting rid of dissidents

[-] kautau@lemmy.world 2 points 9 months ago

In the 70s or 80s, sure. But I think the CIA at this point is incredibly efficient at just disappearing someone, or staging an accident so believable it couldn’t be an assassination. If agent 47 exists he’s a CIA operative.

this post was submitted on 21 Feb 2024
356 points (99.2% liked)

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