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Relationships
(lemmy.world)
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this post was submitted on 23 Feb 2024
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Kind of cute but also kind of sad. Love is sometimes also a leap of faith and trust. It seems like they never really trusted each other, or themselves, to still love each other.
Personally I think marriage is not about force, but about trust. It's a confession of trust in your partner.
It's a little hard to tell if the idea is that they at some point realize this will be a running joke between them but both agree that they no longer really believe it, or if each time they say it, it's because they truly don't want to commit to advancing the relationship.
Or because they are traumatized from childhood of abandonment and have learned to take the option of being abandoned into their own hands as a self defense mechanism.
I mean not that I’d know from experience.
Or because they are realists, and know that sometimes people change and things don’t work out?
True love is one of those things that really bothers me about relationships, especially early on in a relationship. My now wife of 18 years and I were very much like this couple, although we moved in together as roommates very early.
We were friends first, then dated for 6 years before getting married, then waited 8 more years before we felt responsible and stable enough to have a kid. And I’m glad we waited, we’re so much happier now that at times along the way, and mostly know how to handle stress and loss and many of the things that have lead others we know, to break up or divorce.
I've learned that realists and idealists clash really hard in relationships.
Yeah, we can't hear the tone in their voices, but these little jabs would make me concerned if they weren't clearly joking. I'd feel very insecure if my wife were constantly reminding me that she's ready to bolt at a moment's notice if things get the slightest bit tough. We'd never have made it this far if we weren't willing to work things out when the future looks bleak.
Why would one want to do this leap of faith if one can be happy without it? I'd rather have the relationship be based on regularly renewed interest than a leap. I don't want someone to stay with me because of a past social success certificate. People change, you can't predict if you'll have the same feelings in 3 years. If it is still there great, if it's not, I'd rather not make things administratively complicated on top of the rest.
I would say that even the easiest relationships are work and it's not healthy to always have your eye on the door but what do I know?
It’s absolutely guaranteed you won’t have the same feelings. People change and the new relationship dopamine wears off after a few years.
However, building a life together is a special thing in its own right and that takes commitment to stay together and work on the relationship when times get tough.
I think that OP is talking about the commitment of marriage more-so than the actual document making it official with the government. I like the comic as a sweet notion of finding love when you weren't looking for it. But a relationship without commitment and without the security that your partner would allow you to grow and change as a person and still stay committed would be hard to stay in realistically.
That's one way to look at love, but I don't look at it like that.
Sees other people being happy and wholesome
Calls them sad because they don't share the same worldview as him.
Wut?
Just giving my perspective m8. You're free to find it only cute and wholesome - your opinion is as valid as mine.
Just giving my perspective on your opinion m8. No need to feel personally attacked. Some people are extraordinarily happy and successful in their personal relationships and they don't share the same opinion as you, and that's alright.
It is alright and thanks for clarifying - your first comment made it seem like my view was unreasonable somehow.
I'm not sure I'd agree that a relationship with so much uncertaintly is that wholesome. I know I'd lose sleep if my partner kept telling me this is just a for now thing but still expected commitment.
You've missed the point. There's no expected commitment, they are both of the same mind. They both feel like it would be ok if it doesn't last. It's because they share the same feelings that they continue to work well together, and the relationship lasts.
This is basically how me and my girlfriend's relationship started off. No pressure, if it's not working we'll call it off and go back to being just friends.
We've been together for 15 some odd years, and we have 2 kids.
You really think this is more stressful than “we have to be together forever, unconditionally”. Forever is a long time. I'd take this over unhappy marriages that fight, bicker and argue all day everyday, hate each other's guts and sleep on separate rooms out of spite for 15 out of the past 20 years. But are still together because of social norms and pressures.
This on the other hand is liberating and loving company. Nothing makes me feel more secure and confident than someone who can use that second to last line confidently “I would be fine on my own, but I'm better with you” it tells you clearly that this person is with you because they want to. Everything else in romantic manipulative BS.
"I want to be with you forever" makes me feel a lot more secure, comfortable and hopeful than "when this isn't fun anymore I'm off".
Everyone knows that "be with you forever" is a feeling, not a fact but it gives me a good idea of where my partner is in the relationship. My partner saying "once it isnt fun I'm out" makes me feel like I'm just a hobby, not a partner.
Yeah, it's called obsession. Romantic love is very toxic, but it's ideologically enforced into people at a very young age. Asking toddlers to confess to adults whom they like and with whom they want to marry when they grow up and similar performative acts, for example. The characters in the comic are acknowledging their humanity, instead of denying themselves with a pretension of immortality or infinitude to their human feelings. Lots of people who say “I will be with you forever” end up cheating or abandoning their partners anyways. Humans are neither immortal nor infinite, it's immature and irresponsible to promise either.
Not to invalidate or guess how you think or feel, but that negative interpretation oozes insecurity and fear.
Or in the words of Oscar Wilde: “When one is in love, one always begins by deceiving one’s self, and one always ends by deceiving others. That is what the world calls a romance.” Romantic love is lying.
Falling in love isn't fashionable on these forums.
To see how dysfunctional this couple is, imagine them having kids after panel 6.
For some people the feeling of not being committed helps being committed
The christian marriage (i left the church) or the legal one (a legal hassle)? Too bad there's no confessionsless marriage like there are funerals. Because that's something humans do, even without believing in a higher power.
The social one. I'm an atheist.
It's not a confession of trust. It's stepping on that bit of piled up grass and hoping there isn't a bear trap under it when you're in the woods where bears are hunted.