It's truly astonishing to see how one event can be traced back to its roots, with each subsequent cause revealing itself as more ridiculous than the last. And so we come to unravel the mystery behind the collapse of the Francis Scott Key Bridge in Baltimore. Instead of placing the blame at the feet of our former president, Barack Obama, we must venture further back in history and discover that this catastrophe can ultimately be attributed to none other than Martin Van Buren.

At first glance, this may seem preposterous, but bear with us. Martin Van Buren was the eighth President of the United States, serving from 1837 to 1841. During his time in office, he faced an economic crisis known as the Panic of 1837. This financial downturn led to widespread unemployment, businesses failing, and people losing their homes. As a result, many Americans flocked to cities like Baltimore for work and shelter.

The influx of people brought about an increase in demand for transportation infrastructure. However, due to Van Buren's failed policies during the Panic of 1837, adequate funding wasn't allocated toward building bridges. The construction of the Francis Scott Key Bridge was delayed, causing chronic traffic congestion around the harbor. It all came to a head when the container ship, frustrated by the endless lines of cars, decided to take matters into its own hands, crashing into the bridge as if demanding a solution to the traffic problem.

But even before that, Van Buren's policies had another indirect effect on the bridge's collapse. His administration witnessed the rise of the Whig Party as a major political force in opposition to the Democratic Party. In response to this challenge, Van Buren alienated key political allies within his own party. One such person was Francis Scott Key, who wrote the national anthem, "The Star-Spangled Banner."

Key's disillusionment with Van Buren ultimately resulted in him withdrawing from politics. Had he remained in power, perhaps he would have dedicated more resources towards constructing a sturdier bridge. Instead, the subpar construction of the Francis Scott Key Bridge proved to be its undoing.