127

"Men are bad at picking up on women's hints." What are your actual thoughts on this sentiment? (lemmy.world)

submitted 7 months ago* (last edited 7 months ago) by FatTony@lemmy.world to c/casualconversation@lemmy.world

151 comments fedilink hide all child comments

Either through memes or comments I keep seeing this sentiment pop-up from time to time. And I'm wondering what your (yes, you) consensus is on it.

I for one am too pessimistic to do anything with potential hints. Like even if there is a good chance I still just don't want to risk it.

you are viewing a single comment's thread
view the rest of the comments

[-] AnarchistArtificer@slrpnk.net 66 points 7 months ago

I'm an autistic woman, and I've found great success in leaning into my autistic tendencies. By that, I mean just being blunt and upfront. One of my favourites is that if I've got chemistry with someone I don't expect to see again, before I bid them farewell, I'll give them a note with my number on and say something like "I had a great time hanging out with you tonight, would you like to go on a date with me sometime?" And then I hand them my number and scuttle off like a crab because I can only put on a cool face for so long before I crack under the anxiety.

[-] MapleEngineer@lemmy.world 33 points 7 months ago* (last edited 7 months ago)

Aspie man here, it's harder for us to do that. I have a friend who I gave the standard, "Hi, my name is MapleEngineer and I have Asperger's. That means..." speech to when I thought she was hinting. She said, "Ok, you don't like hints?" "No." "Ok. I've always found you attractive and have fantasized about sucking your cock. We should get together." We did. It was awesome.

Life would be so by easier if the normies didn't muddy the waters so much with their hints and clues.

[-] AnarchistArtificer@slrpnk.net 2 points 7 months ago

Oh yeah, it's why I mentioned I'm a woman - it's certainly relevant to my experience here. I don't have to worry about being perceived as threatening - if I flirt with a woman in an upfront way like I described, I never feel like there's a risk of frightening her. Whereas on the flip side, if a guy asks me out, I'm always a bit on edge because of the small minority who are not safe to politely turn down. "Privilege" is definitely the wrong word for this, but being perceived as non threatening does make some things simpler.

[-] MapleEngineer@lemmy.world 1 points 7 months ago

I have been accused of being incredibly dense because I mask by playing all new relationships with women as completely natural. The woman I mentioned in my comment was hinting hard but I played it neutral. After I had a couple of hours to think about it I went back and said, "I have Asperger's and here's what that means. Here's what masking is. I mask by playing hard neutral. I think you might be hinting. Hinting doesn't work with me. If you're hinting you need to stop and just say or ask what you want to say or ask. I won't be offended. I will probably say, 'Yes' (I'm a sexy Aspie and I always say, 'Yes'. )" So she just asked, I said, "Yes" and we had a good time. She told me that she had always found me and my attitude toward sex very appealing but thought I didn't like her because I never flirted or expressed any interest. She said that in the almost 15 years we had been acquainted I had never even touched her. I said I thought it would be fun if the first time we touched was a kiss. The first time we touched it was a kiss. Now I'm waiting to find out if she's going to go with me on a short road trip with one or two nights in a nice hotel this weekend.

[-] TeaHands@lemmy.world 9 points 7 months ago

I could've written this comment word for word. It really does make things a lot easier to just be direct, being able to do this is one of the very few outright advantages of our non-standard brains imo!