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[-] RyanGosling@hexbear.net 130 points 7 months ago* (last edited 7 months ago)

Your first mistake is marrying a soldier

also

He adamantly refuses to purchase or place his gun in a gun safe.

This guy wants to think he's John Wick but forgot that no one in charge trusts people like him to be armed 24/7, which is why they lock all the weapons up and do inventory before and after issuing them. John Wick was a marine, though, so maybe he's just living the crayon eating part of the character

[-] WeedReference420@hexbear.net 74 points 7 months ago

John Wick was a marine

"People keep asking if I'm going to buy a lifted F-150 with 28% APR and marry a 19 year old I've known for a week and I haven't really had an answer, but yeah, I'm thinking I'm going to buy a lifted F-150 with 28% APR and marry a 19 year old I've known for a week."

[-] YearOfTheCommieDesktop@hexbear.net 49 points 7 months ago

and all john wick's guns were like buried in concrete in the basement, no?

[-] barrbaric@hexbear.net 57 points 7 months ago

Yeah, and look what happened! If he'd left a gun on the edge of every piece of furniture in the house instead, those guys would've never killed his dog.

[-] RyanGosling@hexbear.net 31 points 7 months ago

Typical communist New York gun control 🤣

[-] TechnoUnionTypeBeat@hexbear.net 39 points 7 months ago

John Wick was a marine

American media's obsession with portraying Marines as some kind of elite soldier is fucking hilarious to me after reading Generation Kill and learning they're just drunk frat boys given guns and told to kill

They're possibly the least glamorous soldiers anywhere

[-] RyanGosling@hexbear.net 22 points 7 months ago

You’d think the myth would’ve been shattered after seeing a mentally disturbed trainee becoming the Perfect Marine and shooting his drill sergeant in Full Metal Jacket

[-] tactical_trans_karen@hexbear.net 24 points 7 months ago

Type of dude to refuse to wear a jimmy hat.

[-] Coca_Cola_but_Commie@hexbear.net 14 points 7 months ago

There's no way that, in the movie canon, John Wick was a marine. Come on, that's so lame. It's revealed in the second movie, I think, that John Wick was born in the USSR, trained from early childhood to be an assassin for the criminal syndicates that control the underworld. They don't need to say "he's badass because he was a marine." John Wick doesn't need that. Being a marine doesn't make the character more interesting, it makes him worse.

I looked it up and found a reddit post that claims one of his tattoos is a latin motto that is popular among marines, and also that the video game payday 2 claims he was one. I'm going to discount payday 2 because I doubt whoever wrote John Wick's blurb had access to whatever story bible the John Wick team has. As for the tatto, I mean, he is a soldier of fortune, but for the criminal underworld. It'd make sense for him to have a tattoo like that without ever having been in the military.

Also that reddit post, which speculates that John was discharged from the military for being mentally unstable, has this line: "Of course, John would never get to be a Marine if he had psychological issues before being in the army."

Anyway, here's my impression of Jarhead John being asked how he became the world's deadliest man:

"Hey John, is it true you incredible fighting ability is due to the fact that you were fostered by each of the world's most powerful crime syndicates, trained in their fighting styles, and then spent ten years with the secret, still extant Order of Assassins?"

"Oh, yeah, that was cool, but most of it came down to being yelled at by a guy in fatigues for a few months and then calling in airstrikes any time we heard a noise."

[-] disposable_cracker@hexbear.net 4 points 7 months ago

Was the latin motto "semper fidelis"? If not, definitely not a marine.

this post was submitted on 01 Apr 2024
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