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this post was submitted on 27 Jul 2023
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Asklemmy
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I mean, my experiences interacting with people feel like navigating a minefield. I've had several times where I think everything is fine and then hours later I get texts and messages telling me how awful I behaved and how shit I am. I try to adjust to what they tell me because I feel bad if I bother other people and same thing happens. Like everything seems fine and then haha nope fucking loser.
And unfortunately my appearance does prevent me from having friends. I've been described as a 2 on a good day, trying to talk to men, even if it's part of my job, often results in references to girlfriends or wives. I'm 32 and no one has ever asked me out or been interested in me. Women will sometimes take pity on me and talk to me for maybe a week or two but then the social awkwardness leads to them ditching me.
I'm sorry to hear that. If I'm assuming correctly and you are a woman, then i just want to say that woman are judged much more harshly than men based on looks since the fucked up expectations are they should look "cute" and girly and a bunch of other things as well. But still, it's very sad to hear that other woman are also avoiding you.
If it's truly a behaviour problem from your side, do you have anyone in your life who you trust who can share an honest feedback with you regarding what might be going wrong in these interactions you have with others? That might help you work with what's going wrong.
But if it's not a personality problem and just a looks problem, then maybe it's still worth a shot trying to find like minded folks. I've been alone at times in life and sympathize with your situation. For me what worked was I had a supportive family who I could still call even when i was not feeling great and a bunch of new friends who actually cared about me because I had previously helped them a lot with things without any expectations from them. What i mean to say is that I felt that I'll be alone always at many times in my life but with time and much effort and luck, that's not the case and I have a good support system in place. I hope you can get find a way around this and wish you best of luck as well friend!
The feedback I get is random, often times a week or more after an interaction. For example, I was watching a movie in a discord chat and people were making comments during the movie. I joined in with a few (fucking 3 comments) of my own and people laughed with me. I did not say anything else during the movie. A week later I get 3 messages saying I was a loud asshole during the movie. I joined a discord when someone was streaming and asked if I could watch. They said yes. I then get a message after I leave saying I was creepy and quiet. Like I don't know what to make of this. This is what I mean by minefield. Social interaction has infinite rules and it is ridiculously easy to piss someone off by mistake.
Are these interactions with the people you know and are close to you? Because these are not constructive criticisms of you.. it would be far more helpful if someone who personally knows you and is trustworthy tells you if there are things that you might be unaware of.. i can't imagine why would being quiet be taken as creepy. I wouldn't be giving much value to these incidents since they have no basis.
I don't have any friends, so I've been trying to make some online and irl, so no I don't know them that well. The only people I talk to on a regular basis are my family and coworkers and they say there's no issue. So idk what the problem is.
At least you get feedback. I dont know what I do wrong or right, I'm just ignored. Maybe a gendered thing? I mean I have never heard someone tell a man his low ranking to his face. But also I dont know if I could have handled the amount and kind of feedback I've heard you women get. It probably hurts, and I'd probably punch someone eventually.