Thank you! I had heard that term before and was racking my brain trying to remember it, because it seemed to apply to this situation so well. My mom is like this with my older brother. They've been no contact for over 15 years now because my mom said some racist things about my sister-in-law and niece. But when she describes why she doesn't talk to my brother, that is never mentioned. It's always vague reasons like "his wife won't let him talk to me."