1331
Addiction is a scary thing
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What if we put an aircraft carrier into a particular accelerator and spin it up to the speed of light?
The sailors would probably get dizzy.
We can only get to 99.999998% or so (I might be off by a decimal) so I think it would just result in light bruising (though probably at the atomic level which tends to sting a bit more).
https://youtu.be/atG3H3rTTsI
Always a relevant Onion