796
A bit late
(lemmy.blahaj.zone)
"b-but bears are actually dangerous!" Shut the hell up.
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this post was submitted on 11 May 2024
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Man are not evil and I don't think anyone is making that statement here, but the problem is that we can't know which men are evil. Of course we should avoid antagonizing them, since, like you said, it often drives young lonely men towards the manosphere, but also men should try actually listening to why most women pick the bear.
I mean yeah, that was my point. Currently though our messaging is insanely antagonistic and there are a LOT of men without women in their lives who can explain this to them. People dont listen to those antagonizing them, the throw their shields/walls up, and seek those who are friendlier to them, which, in this case would be the manpsphere, posts like this only preach to the choir, and push away the men who need to know why women would choose the bear the most.
It's even worse, a lot of the posts here are outright refusing to explain anything, or branding them as the problem for not understanding immediately.
It's so insanely bad it almost feels like an incel psyop at times
These young men can ... listen to women??? They don't need to be spoon fed feminism by friends, there is a ton of information available if they care to learn. The fact that they choose to listen to sexist assholes rather than have their feelings hurt for two seconds is part of the problem dumbass
ok, and as evidenced by the previous thread, there was a lot of nothing being explained actively happening.
Reiterating the metaphorical reasoning as to why someone would do this doesn't explain the underlying reason why people are using a metaphorical device in the first place.
don't tell people that you would rather be with a bear, tell people that you would rather be with a bear, because the entire point of the statement is that it's literally fucking insane. The problem here was the second someone goes "isn't this insane?" instead of people responding with "yes, that's the point, it's supposed to be!" people respond with "and you're part of the problem" yknow, because surely that wouldn't cause problems.
It's not that people are saying something, or aren't saying something, it's that people are trying to make a point using a metaphorical device that they never drop, it's like irony poisoning, except it's just not irony.
TL;DR It's hard to listen to someones reasoning when they never fucking explain it. Granted it did get better eventually, but jesus fucking christ did it take a while.
I used to actively avoid women out of fear of making them uncomfortable (still do occasionally, when I have a particularly shitty day), I mean like full on 0 eye contact, lotsa distance and god forbid speaking. Being tolled I'm too fucking stupid to understand female issues and tolled that I have it so easy because I can be a literal pig without getting judged did a number on my brain. I mean I get it, women have it much harder, but being completely pushed aside and forced to associate with literal trash, all my efforts made worthless just because women have to put in much more effort, while I only chose to do a bit more. It hurts. When a girl is freaked out and starts running, because I'm taking a similar route to her's (because I just happened to live in the same direction), I understand her reaction, but it doesn't change the fact that it makes me wish I didn't exist, if my fucking existence is a problem in it self. It's shit like this that makes me wish I was at least trans or something, not born a fucking bogeyman that hurts people by breathing the same air as them.
I'll still purposely switch to the opposite street if its not very populated and I'm unintentionally following a woman for too many blocks (because we just happen to be going in the same direction). Remember though that the most extreme people are the ones who shout the loudest, most women wont be unempathetic to your struggles, and understand that society has challenges for you as a man that they themselves dont have to experience. You arent a boogeyman, and you and your struggles are valid, dont let shit like the bear meme convince you otherwise
This.
(Throwing my two cents in: remembering to breath in such situations seems to help alleviate the anxiety of how you might unintentionally come across, and help you appear less intense— seemingly less likely to been seen as a threat)
honestly, and i hate to say this, i'm kind of at the polar opposite end of the scale myself, where i think i'd probably actively antagonize women because the chances of someone else who would actually cause problems stopping me is significantly less due to the fact that i'm actively doing it, and have no intention of causing harm to anyone.
Perhaps that's just my satirical commentary bleeding through into real life, but genuinely i don't even know what to fucking do anymore.
It's very much possible with these things called emotional intelligence and empathy. Used in combination they allow you to walk in another's shoes for just a split second and see where their mind is.
I don't think that any amount of empathy allows me to know if a stranger is dangerous.
If it's alexithymia or such I hope you have trusted people in your life you can ask about random people.
On the flipside if that kind of thing is due to being on the schizo spectrum I can say with personal authority that yes it's very much possible: Figures it's not that I can't do it it's that I had a life-long habit of actively avoiding tuning into random people, the resonance being so strong that their neuroses get me all cramped up and swamped with random shit requiring clean-up after the fact. But deep dives aren't really necessary for a threat radar what you're primarily looking for is their attitude towards relating on eye level, whether there's an inferiority/superiority thing going on.
Not OP, but look, if someone, let's say a stranger, has nefarious motives, they have an incentive to fake their mannerisms, this means relying on your empathy and social intelligence alone is a mistake since they may be used as a vector of attack.
In order to be safe, one must make sure they are not harmed or endangered in any way, this includes avoiding certain situations with strangers.
Also, don't just randomly pathologize people just because you don't understand where they are coming from, even if done with no harm in mind, you will come off as very disrespectful.
Now I might be schizosplaining here but faked mannerisms are glaringly obvious. Especially when it comes to what I recommended doing, and that's checking out the willingness to relate at eye level as the only way to do that is to actually do that -- if you hide something you're either on the demure or arrogant side of things.
I made no diagnosis, I was talking about a possibility. A possibility that might be true or false, if it's true then I might have saved someone's life as they finally understand that something's different about them, if it's false, then they can brush it off. If they're so up their ass that they're getting their underwear in a twist over that well then at least I tried, I'm willing to be the asshole in that situation. And so should you if you value your fellow humans.