I'm genuinely sorry to hear that. From my own journey, I recommend trying to find something that you realize is tolerable to fun. Engage in that activity and actually stop to appreciate that you are in that moment. Just absorb how those emotions feel and try to embrace that frame of mind. Often I would get wrapped up in doing something and not appreciate that I was enjoying myself. I would spend my 8 work hours hating my job, getting worked up by the news and wallowing in those emotions and that becomes your mindset. Identifying that change is constant and trying to embrace what you have now creates moments that are worth indulging in. Now I add slurpee runs to project plans just to make my days slightly more enjoyable and novel. They will likely get stuck down, but at the least it's a softball for someone to roast for a good laugh. But more often than not we take 15 minutes and get a slurpee. Those coworkers are now friends. It took years before discovering I was neuro atypical, don't be afraid to seek help and see if there is something different about you and if you can do something about it.