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submitted 5 months ago by NoFood4u@sopuli.xyz to c/196@lemmy.blahaj.zone

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[-] taanegl@beehaw.org 12 points 5 months ago

Awful people will do awful things and can get away with it. You might need to get away from someone like that at this very moment. If you are aware that you're in a locked in abusive situation and feel incapable of doing anything about it, you should seek out help from people in your vicinity who are stable. I.e people who aren't awful.

You need to seek out someone trustworthy, dependable, who can help you to a life of independence or at least to get you away from whatever abusive relationship or environment you currently are in. This might be private citizens, organisation or government body depending upon where you live.

Remember, mental violence is violence, and no matter who you are, you deserve love, respect and dignity. You don't have to be alone in dealing with the consequence after the fact.

Deep and unconscionable trauma in repeated successions over years can manifest in personality disorders that could take decades to treat. Damage to the psyche is defacto violence and qualifies as such in many courts. Optimally getting out early is key, so don't delay. But remember: it is never too late.

Please don't wither under someone's shadow or fade into a pit of despair. Your life's light deserves to shine, and it can shine elsewhere.

[-] WeLoveCastingSpellz@lemmy.dbzer0.com 3 points 5 months ago

I am aware that I am locked in an abusive situation with her but I am afraid that she will kill herself if I just abandon her. What do you think I should do?

[-] taanegl@beehaw.org 6 points 5 months ago

You have options depending upon the situation. You can either:

A. Brace her for the break and slowly take your distance from her. Make her see that you need to leave for the best of the both of you, that using a relationship as a crutch is not a good thing. B. Get her the help she needs, assuming she wants it, either through family, local community, organisation or local government body, and then letting them take the reins. C. Gtfo out, now.

The last one is reserved for when she tries to manipulate, control and otherwise subvert you by using suicide as a threat. This is a cyclical behavioural pattern whereby she gets validation when successfully subverting you, effectively creating a chain of incentives to continually subvert you. This means it might be impossible for you to reason with her at all and she needs someone else to do that. At this point, you really don't have a choice in the matter.

Replace pronouns with whatever you want, because this is a human problem and relationships with a basis in perlonged abuse can rarely be salvaged - at least in my opinion. If there's any dealings either part needs to have with each other, say because of shared custody, it should be with lawyers or with other representatives that can mediate.

Again, you are loved, you deserve respect, you deserve dignity, and the same with her, but if she is abusive and it's widdling down your psyche, you are actively enabling her abuse and harming yourself in the process.

I feel the need to qualify that I am not a psychiatrist, psychologist, professional consultant or social worker. I just have a bit of experience myself. You should probably get in touch with someone to try and figure out the best solution for your situation.

I wish you all the best.

[-] zea_64@lemmy.blahaj.zone 2 points 5 months ago

Call emergency services maybe. If she's in such a bad state that it takes your mental health being damaged to keep her safe, that's a very bad position where external intervention is warranted. Or she's using that as emotional blackmail and calling emergency services will catch her bluff. Either way, it's a good option.