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this post was submitted on 09 Jun 2024
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I don't really understand addiction. I'm not denying it exists, but I haven't experienced it firsthand so I struggle to imagine what it's like.
I feel like I'm in charge of my decisions and I can't imagine otherwise. Is it like you black out and suddenly you're outside with a smoke?
I like to compare addiction with hunger. You are feeling bad when you have it and only eating will get you feel comfortable again. Also it is hard to fast. It's difficult to not eat something.
You are most likely not making the decision " I am eating now so my body has something to process" more in the line of "I'm hungry. I don't want to feel hungry, therefore I'm going to eat"
(edit) And you are absolutely able to get yourself sick that way, depending what you eat and how.
I responded to your other comment, but I like this question too. I haven't been addicted to a substance, but I can firmly say for other things that the answer is "No". I'm not blacked out, I'm completely present when I'm making this choice, but sometimes there's a constant justification of "ok I'll do it this last time and tomorrow is when I'll resist it." And you keep doing that. And that voice gets weaker over time to where you just start accepting that this is what you do now. And that often comes with self-loathing and frustration.
Imagine having the worst flu you've ever had. It feels like you're dying. And there is literally only one thing that will help and taking it will instantly cure you.
You're going to do what you can to get that thing. It's a difficult urge to fight, especially when it feels like life or death (and in the case of alcohol and benzos, it can be).
Your body dictates that you do things all of the time... You can only hold in your piss and shit for so long before it starts to harm you. You need to eat food. You need oxygen, and cannot hold your breath until you die. Your body has tons of "reflexes" that cause you to do things outside of your control all of the time.
I've never experienced addition either, luckily. From what I understand, you become more and more reliant on the substance, to the point where you literally cannot function if you don't smoke that cigarette. Depression, lack of sleep, constant grumpiness, they're all withdrawal symptoms for a reason. At the same time, it heavily affects your judgement and decision-making abilities, making it incredibly difficult to resist the urge to light a cigarette.
Now imagine trying to quit. You're depressed, haven't slept right in three days, and a cigarette can instantly give you that boost of dopamine you so desperately want and need. Besides, it's just one cigarette, right? How bad could it hurt? I can't blame anybody for failing to quit. Quitting an addiction sounds like hell, and I'm glad I've never needed to experience it.