I say we ditch this nonsense altogether and go back to vague descriptions of the Sun's position in the sky.

No it doesn't. "Time zones around the world are expressed using positive or negative offsets from UTC, as in the list of time zones by UTC offset."

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Coordinated_Universal_Time

Time now in UTC is 10:33, no matter where on the planet you are.

The title partially answers this.

https://www.timeanddate.com/time/gmt-utc-time.html

GMT is a time zone officially used in some European and African countries. The time can be displayed using both the 24-hour format (0 - 24) or the 12-hour format (1 - 12 am/pm).

UTC is not a time zone, but a time standard that is the basis for civil time and time zones worldwide. This means that no country or territory officially uses UTC as a local time.

I'd fuck with atomic time, but at that point i want a perfect calendar system also.

UTC has leap seconds to keep it aligned with earth's rotation. Otherwise all timezones would slowly shift away from having any correlation with solar time. Between UTC and IAT, UTC is the more human-useable and thus better.