Trigger warning: this could be upsetting
Shortly after graduating school, I hung out with someone I met once before and was raped and have some trauma in my background. It was aquaintance rape I guess? I barely knew him. There's other bad stuff that's happened that's also horrifying, some of it worse than that.
I am biologically male and effeminate, but don't want to have a female body. I don't really feel like anything and sort of don't care what people call me. I am slightly asexual just from trauma and don't really feel like I exist in a way. It wouldn't surprise me if I'm not around in another decade.
I support trans people, but feel like putting he/him next to my name sort of implies a more clear identity than I have or implies I care about how people label me. I don't. I sort of barely exist and don't like to imply otherwise. People can call me anything, I don't care. I don't see myself as female or a they or it. I don't see myself as anything.
I almost want to go like (he/him/*) but I am afraid this would be disrespectful.
I truthfully would like to be (he/him/๐ซฅ/๐) which would obviously be seen as demeaning. I feel like anything other than normal parantheticals opens the door to a distracting conversation that I don't want professionally and often don't want personally. And I feel like nothing after my name is dog-whistle for trans-people-are-invalid.
(I don't care about pronouns but support trans people) also seems disrespectful and sort of like "i want attention" and I really don't.
I wish I could support trans people without having to label myself or my body or even bring up these topics. Is there a way to do that? There probably isn't.
I see a lot of obvious signs that you are thinking about killing yourself that everyone seems to be ignoring.
Remember that you are valid no matter what and that in America you can dial 988 anytime you need to talk to someone
988 is a great way to line the pockets of the medical establishment, get labeled with a diagnosis to become a second class citizen, and get a medical bill for tens of thousands of dollars. The only person that line benefits are big pharma and the medical industrial complex. You are either naive or cruel as to the financial implications of what you suggest. Involuntary stays, and 988 regularly results in those for unweary callers, are enormously expensive and you don't have an option as to whether accept the treatment and bill once they come to haul you away.
Like I told the other commenter, my experience is a 180 flip of what you say, so I am going to continue to recommend it, but I will add on a warning of the possibilities you speak of.