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Sovcit is sooooo close..
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this post was submitted on 16 Jul 2024
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My econ 101 professor once said "what are the things that even the most anti-government people say the government needs to do? Emergency services." Then these dense motherfuckers came along to outdo even that.
Internet libertarians & off-the-rails conservatives unironically say EMS and Fire Departments should be privatized. Ancaps go one step further and say police and sometimes even military should be private. It makes me lose hope in voters, until I remember that I was 15 before too and most people surely grow out of that phase. But there's a few people who are fully adult-aged who still believe that which is kind of sad for them I guess
Firefighters were literally private companies before we collectively decided it was a bad idea. Firefighters would just sit and watch a place burn if nobody payed up. Sometimes rival firefighters would even get in brawls over who gets the contract while the house was burning down beside them.
There were cases of firefighters setting fires so that they could be paid to put them out. Why not?
if memory serves, the first fire fighters were in Rome and owned by rich people. If you didn't pay them to put out the fire, their boss would buy the ashes from you afterwards.
https://ancient-history-blog.mq.edu.au/cityOfRome/Vigiles
okay, I was close. Buy your house while it was still on fire.
Somewhat predictably they also started the first public firefighting force after a large part of the city burned down, again. Apparently prevention is just not profitable if you're only paying people to extinguish fire.
Didn't prevent what is now known as the Great Fire of Rome though.
They're municipally operated here and we actually had a case a few years back where a small town that couldn't reasonably afford to operate their own fire department needed to make arrangements with a nearby larger town to have fire emergency response services cover them.
The larger town said sure, $50 per year per home. Small town had 63 people, but some refused to pay. Fire department said they weren't going to keep track of which houses were and were not covered, so they had to all be on board or none of them would be.
Naturally a home later caught fire and burned to the ground. Thankfully no one was inside at the time.
Damn, that isn't even all that much. Tiny town so I'm assuming some people just couldn't afford it.
They tried this with firefighters before way back when, and then realized that fire doesn't seem to care who's subscribed or not lol. Can you imagine? "The fire and EMS lobby" would be powerfully pushing for reduced safety and maybe even starting fires themselves LOL.
Edit while looking up the first thing: Oh my word... mercenary firefighters are a thing for the rich and we're living in clown world.
EDIT: Link went to NYT because it was top result, but screw that lol. Fixed.
I can see it now though...
Privatized emergency services be like:
"Thank you for calling 9-1-1, this is Janeanniesomebody, can I have your 14-digit emergency insurance number, date of birth, and mother's maiden name please. Okay thank you, one moment while I verify that..." (Click)
"Your call is very important to us. Want to skip the line when it matters most? Did you know, for only $49.97 a month, you can get Emergency-Services-Plus+! Whether you want help fast, or to regret being covered for the rest of your life, we have a plan right for YOU!
"Remember, emergency insurance means you can have peace of mind that, when you're in mortal danger, we're only a phone call and 45-minutes-to-1-business-day away! Not signed up yet? Press 1, and we can help!"
((Trendy upbeat hold music))
"Did you know? We're always hiring!"
(Receiver pickup) "Thank you for calling this is Devaidengregjimmothy, dispatch specialist, how can I help you today? Hello?......Hello?...."
Cassius from the tail end of the roman republic famously was the richest man in Rome and owned the “fire brigade”. When a fire broke out he would only put it out after the owner agreed to sell the place for next to nothing.
Crassus.
You are right, my bad.
No problem.
Also the guy whom Parthians had drink molten gold.
He wanted to try himself as a general too, but that didn't quite work out.
I don't know why you're being downvoted, that's the account. It probably didn't happen, but it made a great story. The greediest, richest man in Rome bought an army and was made to drink what he craved most when he failed. Poetic justice.
Side note, Crassus was an experienced military man who fought under Sulla, and put down Spartacus' rebellion. But he was no general, treated legionnaires under his command with brutal discipline, even using the mostly outdated decimation (if a unit failed, or dishonored themselves, they were forced to beat every tenth man in the unit to death as punishment. )
The only reason he invaded Parthia was that he was envious of Pompey and Caesar's respect amongst the plebes (common citizens, i.e. peasants.) Military conquests were a sure way to gain respect in Roman culture, and to amass fortunes in slaves and booty.
Yes, I know ; there are a few stories of his death, some mutually exclusive. The most popular is the version that he was beheaded, "gold-fed" and his head used instead of cabbage in a theatrical play, the place is disputed too, most likely Ecbatana or Susa, but there's also a version of that happening in Artaxata (matches the premise where it's said that he didn't listen to Artavazd's warning out of his pride, and then Artavazd decided to "betray" Crassus by remaining loyal to Parthia).
I think I've heard a version of him being overfed with meat and fat and made drink cold water, thus dying ; well, I don't know if it's even a working way to execute someone.
They sure do want us all to live in a world where you have to swipe your credit card to drive anywhere, to go into a store, to walk anywhere, to use a public bathroom, to call 911, to use any services at all.
But I guess it will be worth it, because I'm sure the ancaps and libertarians and sovcits have a really good plan to keep each of us wealthy enough that privatizing the entirety of civilization won't harm anyone.