How low on avocado do you need to be to not be allowed to say that it's guac? 3.5% will certainly do it.
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The worst part of this is the lack of hyphen
"Yeah I dunno, Jake...I was just this very moment enjoying this bomb-ass salsa when it hit me...this epiphany just washed over me...I think I want to be a power bottom."
pauses putting guac covered tortilla chip in mouth "...o...ohmigawd...you're not gonna believe this, Mike..."