I’ll start with American security first.

In terms of American security, really the only way to be completely exempt from fondling (and any screening at all) is to be a uniformed crew member that has passed a gun training course - you will never be subjected to any screening ever, guaranteed. If you haven’t taken this course you will be subject to the “random” screenings, but you get to use the TSA Pre line which avoids the body scanner thing and you just have to go through the metal detector. You might be patted down but chances are relatively low while in uniform.

As a passenger you can pay about $70 a year to join TSA Pre and go through the same line with just the metal detector and baggage x-ray. However, being a passenger, your chances of a pat-down go up, especially if you’re a minority. But relatively speaking, it is still less likely than if you went through the regular line.

Internationally:

In my experience, uniformed crew members are still far less likely to get a pat-down than regular passengers. However if you ask not to use the body scanner and they allow your request, they will basically always do a pat-down (both crews and passengers). EU claims that the scanner imagines are anonymized and reviewed by someone who can’t see you - I’m not sure I believe this though.

In all cases though, I would suggest playing on the stereotypes the security people learn at their bullshit training. If they identify you as a “deviant” (from what I’m told, a word actually used in TSA training, at least in the past) or think you look too poor, or think you answered their questions with the wrong tone, you’ll get the pat-down. To get the best chance at bypassing this you basically have to have a mainstream hairstyle, dress like a bougie businessperson, and answer questions in a semi-detached disinterested tone. And act like you own the airport - i.e., come off as stereotypically self-assured - because they’re also looking for “nervous body language” (a complete pseudoscience). But again, in my experience, in Europe this would only save you from the scanner + pat-down combo, and not both. At least, I haven’t heard of anyone being able to bypass the whole thing.

God only knows what’s going through the minds of the bigots that staff airport security. It’s absurd that you have to basically do improv to get through almost unscathed.

This is a big part of why I don't fly anymore if I can avoid it. Every time I've flown since transitioning, I've been patted down, either because of my bra (where they usually have me lift my arms and pat my sides) or my genitals (where they pat my inner leg). Which one seems to be entirely based on how they gender me.

I also often got the awkward "would you like a man or a woman to pat you down?" Which is super cool cause like, you're asking me if I want a dude grabbing my thigh, or I wanna ask a female agent to do it and hope she's not gonna be weird about touching trans people. It's cool - not like there's a whole transphobic narrative around trans women imposing themselves on uncomfortable cis women~

Fuck planes. Train gang.