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I find no motivation in working for myself
(infosec.pub)
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this post was submitted on 06 Aug 2024
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Asklemmy
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To clarify, I'm talking about being motivated enough to host public facing services like Invidious and SearXNG, maybe a Monero node. But I'm lacking motivation when doing things strictly for personal use like a project tracker for my personal projects, a personal media server. Basically, since I'm accountable to no one, I don't feel the light nudge I need to get to work on something.
In terms of hosting software, sure I can read about configuration. I tend to have the overall process planned out in terms of what to expect.
The main problem is, let's say I give an hour a day on hosting a FOSS project. I could easily give it 4 hours if I were motivated, but I'm not. Because I procrastinate and waste time. It's only during the later hours at night when I realise I have a deadline (need to go to bed) and my mind kicks into overdrive and I accomplish whatever I can in that hour.
That's the behaviour I'm trying to solve.
I relate to these patterns, which is why I have tried to learn about the fundamentals of motivation.
What is the relationship for you between my prior suggestion and your clarification above?
I know what to do, what should happen (in theory), and I want to do it. But I waste my time away. Is there a way out of this?
Is there also something you don't want to happen that seems likely to happen if you try?
For example, I work with many folks who struggle to leave projects unfinished, so they resist starting for reasons they don't quite understand.
I definitely fear projects being unfinished, and the apparent "mountain" of work that might be the new personal project I want to work on definitely intimidates me
Aha, so that's something in the way: it might be more work than it's worth to you. Either the uncertainty interferes with you or the certainty that it demands much more effort than it's worth interferes with you. Does one of these hit you more than the other?
I'm certainly familiar with both feelings with regards to different projects.
So... Let me address each of those, just in case.
I don't merely mean "Are you able to?" but also "How would you feel about those outcomes?"
Peace.
It used to be that I didn't really grasp the scope of most projects, and so after research I used to dive right in. These days I'm more jaded and try to make better long-term choices in terms of software (which is ridiculously hard because you never know, example: Terraform is no longer FOSS).
The extra work is usually in optimisations or security configuration, both of which I'd like to have done but apparently I don't feel horrible enough to actually do it.
Yes, I have done both of what you said. It's not a hard-and-fast rule for me, but it does make me a bit miserable, that I didn't finish what I started. Sometimes, that acts as a catalyst for me to get back into it and actually try to finish it, or leave it completely after understanding that it's beyond me.
Thanks for the advice.
In your shoes, I'd want to understand more about what makes me miserable about not finishing things. In fact, I was in those shoes a decade or so ago. I take a much more measured view of that now. If I genuinely want to finish it or need to finish it, I'll finish it. The rest is noise.
Everyone gets there in their own time. Meantime, you're welcome, good luck, and peace.
Isn't feeling like that a good thing though? If you're sufficiently miserable there's a good chance you'll actually get the work done. This also works if you feel embarrassed or feel that others depend on you, but in my case I'm going to have to depend on the former.
Not always. Sometimes one feels miserable, fears the reactions of others, and still doesn't do the task. Sometimes we call this "depression". Not recommended.
But do you even need to do these things? Or is it just for your personal enjoyment? If it's just for your personal enjoyment then the question your asking is very different.
That's a difficult question. This is a hobby that I'd like to be more diligent in
Be wary of equating your enjoyment of hobbies with your productivity.
Absolutely. But I want to do it, and yet I procrastinate. This has got to be a serious flaw in personality to procrastinate in doing a hobby
You cannot procrastinate something that has no deadline. Have you been diagnosed with any mental conditions like ADHD or depression? Your experience sounds similar to mine and I have ADHD.
You mentioned that you are able to pursue these tasks when they benefit a community. Maybe try to find a small group of folks with similar interests and do this together?
No ADHD AFAIK.
Well, the stuff that I procrastinate on is inherently private and likely shouldn't be allowed access to for people outside. In doing so, I only stay accountable to myself, and we can see how well that has gone
ADHD.