I've been feeling this way a lot myself lately. I sympathize, it's putting me in a bad way too

That is awful. I hope you can find relief somewhere.

I’ve been lucky and the drugs are a godsend for me, despite having the gene that makes me hyper metabolize stimulants (which basically means they don’t last long enough in my system).

It is seriously under-appreciated how awful this disorder is in the modern world - especially if you are not of the wealthier classes.

Yo, that's totally cool. Fuck meditation then, fuck all the rest of the shit. You might need to run your ass like a dog. NGL. OR! Just be an agent of chaos and own it and be fucking open with the people you're around "Hello, my name is _ and I am an agent of chaos" and then laugh maniacally and just fucking own that you make crazy shit happen. My girlfriend and I are both AuDHD and she does the craziest shit in this world. Shit that I wouldn't believe if I hadn't been around her. I fucking shit you not, I SHIT YOU NOT! I mean 10xs over I shit you not - she has just been minding her own business when shit just flies out of the sky around her. And I would never in a million years believe that shit, but I have seen it happen. And I saw it happen recently. And it's fucking insane, and it makes me realize there might be more to this world than we know. But for sure, you just be you. Cause I think my girlfriend said it best. It's better to be unmedicated and here, than medicated and one foot out the door. So please, just be aware that your way is totally valid too =)

I've struggled a lot too. Nothing quite helps enough, which leaves me like progression blue-balled on tasks. What HAS helped the most is allowing myself to do multiple tasks at once. I write them down and just do what I feel like as they come around. I also made sure to find work that allows me to do this. So basically I built parts of my life around my adhd so that the walls I bounce off of are at least walls I need to hit.

This is without treating my sleep apnea, no therapy, and no medication. However, it has also meant having a very solid understanding of what I cope with and how I cope with it. Because I have depression separate from adhd, and anxiety which is fueled by both and some trauma, the single most effective thing I've ever done is take the time to truly understand each aspect.

Now I can mentally set aside my anxiety and am able to will myself to not listen to that cruel little voice. For my depression I've learned to accept it and work with it rather than fighting. With ADHD I adapted my circumstances rather than try to force the adhd to work with everything else. So far the only thing I haven't found a way to do is force myself to do tasks I don't want to do. There MUST be some reason, otherwise I'll procrastinate.

I don't expect any of this to help. I do hope some of it does, though. We all deserve to be able to look forward to the next day, if only a little.

Did you try Selank or Semax yet?