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after 4 years of Linux I'm still lost..
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Yeah, no kidding. The same systemd that enables the very things OP is trying to enable...
systemdboot + sbctl + systemd-cryptenroll and voila. TPM backed disk encryption with a PIN or FIDO2 token.
AFAIK this should be doable in Ubuntu, it just requires some command-line-fu.
Last I heard the Fedora installer was aiming to better support this type of thing - not so sure about Ubuntu.