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this post was submitted on 27 Aug 2024
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In my youth I'd seek out the worst of the worst, back when the Internet was still mostly the wild west. One day I just stopped. Now it makes me sick.
I'm not sure what switch flipped in me. 3 guys, 1 hammer used to bother me a bit, that video of the kid being crushed by the elevator got to me, and there were a few others. But most things just didn't register. Now I don't have any desire to see anything worse than a Saw movie and that's because I know no one was actually hurt.
I will say that in my very young life I was in a terrible situation, and even after that I lived in a less than ideal situation (my adoptive parents are great people, just uneducated and didn't have the time or resources to get me the help I needed). I was very much a product of my environment for many years. I was angry and just wanted to see people hurt because I was hurt. That was probably a huge part of it. One day that just stopped.
So I'll second this call for therapy. You don't have to be this way. I can only speak for myself but I hated being that way. I'm glad I'm not coming up through puberty or my 20s now because there's no telling what the hell I would have gotten up to.