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Boyfriend confessed to lying about his drug usage (lemmy.world)
submitted 2 months ago* (last edited 2 months ago) by jezefy@lemmy.world to c/relationship_advice@lemmy.world
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Hello!

My boyfriend (21) and I (21) have been in a relationship for almost 3 years. Due to a 3 hour distance we see each other once a week. We have been having issues for a couple of months because he got severely depressed and is very distant towards me. I try to support him as much as i can, even though it‘s hard sometimes. Especially yesterday because it was my birthday and he didn‘t want to meet up due to his mental state. He also didn‘t talk to me all day and I always put in a lot of effort for his birthday (even though he rejected everything i planned this year because of his depression).

Anyways, i had an ex when i was 16-17, who was also my best friend and my neighbor. We started dating and he started doing heavy drugs. He was an alcoholic and an addict. He was in hospital 3 times for overdosing and due to all this he was also emotionally abusive. I carry a lot of trauma from that relationship, so my opinion of drugs (doesn‘t matter if it‘s weed or cocaine) is extremely not good. I hate it.

I told my boyfriend about this when we started dating and he agreed. A few months ago he went to the Netherlands and tried weed and mushrooms. It bothered me a lot so I told him that I thought i made myself clear. He said he only tried it for fun and won‘t do it again.

Yesterday he confessed to me that he was taking lsd and mushrooms when he goes to work because he hates work so much and he also, a week ago, tried meth (since then he hasn‘t been able to eat or sleep and he told me that it‘s because of his depression) I was flabbergasted of course. Just a week ago we talked about how taking drugs is stupid if it‘s not for medical reasons (and even that was a compromise from my side). He agreed with me (while doing drugs daily) AND THEN THE NEXT DAY tried meth.

He had never done any of these things before and did them knowing how i feel about it and did it without considering my feelings. I feel betrayed because he lied to me for 2 months.

At first he tried to blame me for my reaction "that‘s why i can‘t tell u things like this“ and "you don‘t understand how i feel“. He said that it‘s easy to judge from the outside but i don‘t understand? i always consider him when i do things. I would never do things i know he doesnt like for fun.

I would maybe have understood a little bit if he was doing it before we got together but he wasn‘t. He decided to do it and lie to me and now he‘s telling me that he hates sober life.

I am very lonely and i don‘t have anyone but him so I am laying in bed now thinking about what i should do. I know i should break up but i need someone to tell me if this is fucked up or if i am just overreacting because i don‘t have anyone to confide in right now.

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[-] inb4_FoundTheVegan@lemmy.world 2 points 2 months ago

tried meth (since then he hasn‘t been able to eat or sleep and he told me that it‘s because of his depression

😳

At first he tried to blame me for my reaction "that‘s why i can‘t tell u things like this“ and "you don‘t understand how i feel“.

Gas lighting BS.

and now he‘s telling me that he hates sober life.

Girl, that's something he needs to work out himself. This is something he needs therapy over and it's a huge giant red ass flag for him not being ready for a relationships.

I know i should break up but i need someone to tell me if this is fucked up or if i am just overreacting because i don‘t have anyone to confide in right now.

This is super fucked up and WAY MORE than enough reason to break up. Not to punish him but to protect yourself. Do you truly want to spend the next period of your life wondering if he was doing drugs three hours away? With that sort or commute you'll be constantly forced to worry and wonder, this is such a massive breach of trust. Don't fall for a sunk cost guilt trip, spending good years after bad with him hoping he improves will only breed resentment. Y'all don't even have a basic framework of trust right now.

And I know this is a cliche and you're an adult. But God 21 is still young, don't waste time with Meth heads when you could be spending it with someone who respects, understands and cares about your boundaries.

GL Hon. I'm so sorry this is happening.

[-] inb4_FoundTheVegan@lemmy.world 0 points 2 months ago

Especially yesterday because it was my birthday and he didn‘t want to meet up due to his mental state. He also didn‘t talk to me all day

That super sucks. Happy birthday btw! ♥

tried meth (since then he hasn‘t been able to eat or sleep and he told me that it‘s because of his depression

😳

At first he tried to blame me for my reaction "that‘s why i can‘t tell u things like this“ and "you don‘t understand how i feel“.

Gas lighting BS.

and now he‘s telling me that he hates sober life.

Girl, that's something he needs to work out himself. This is something he needs therapy over and it's a huge giant red ass flag for him not being ready for a relationships.

I know i should break up but i need someone to tell me if this is fucked up or if i am just overreacting because i don‘t have anyone to confide in right now.

This is super fucked up and WAY MORE than enough reason to break up. Not to punish him but to protect yourself. Do you truly want to spend the next period of your life wondering if he was doing drugs three hours away? With that sort or commute you'll be constantly forced to worry and wonder, this is such a massive breach of trust. Don't fall for a sunk cost guilt trip, spending good years after bad with him hoping he improves will only breed resentment. Y'all don't even have a basic framework of trust right now.

And I know this is a cliche and you're an adult. But God 21 is still young, don't waste time with Meth heads when you could be spending it with someone who respects, understands and cares about your boundaries.

GL Hon. I'm so sorry this is happening.

this post was submitted on 01 Sep 2024
23 points (75.6% liked)

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