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How do I alleviate bitterness due to lack of intimacy?
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this post was submitted on 01 Sep 2024
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Your comments are only about appearance, and thus shallow. Have you tried shifting focus to people rather than what they appear to be at first glance?
I do not deny it's shallow. I am absolutely not savoury when it comes to that (though I do need her to also have similar interests). Be that as it may, I just don't develop any romantic feelings for them otherwise.
Dude... from your interactions in here, i am beginning to not like you either. If i was a woman that you're talking to, using your outter looks to reject your personality is maybe more gentle than saying you treat people like npcs or that you are annoying.
Yeah, couldn't agree more. He doesn't sound like he even likes women, just feels he should own one and probably wants regular sex (on his terms only). I almost feel guilty writing a post trying to help him.
I never, ever said nor implied this. English is not my first language, so maybe I didn't phrase it all that well. I rarely ever even flirt with women because I'm afraid it will make them uncomfortable. I, as any other person, seek companionship. I know it sounds shallow to put emphasis on looks. But no matter which way I shake it it is an important factor to me. Otherwise it just feels like another friendship to me. I can't change myself in that regard. And the results speak for themselves. So here I am seeking help to at least not feel bitter about it.
I don't know what to tell you. I only blame myself for being this way. And every woman I meet has every right to refuse me. I do not deny that. I think my bitterness about my life is unfounded. Because it's all by virtue of my own choices. I do not want to feel this way. Not to gain favours from women but for myself. For that I ask help. That's it. Sorry you feel this way.
I wonder though. Two things - one, I think you probably look better than you think, if you dance and go to the gym I'm sure you are already in good shape and not too skinny. You probably look better than you think, it's normal to see yourself with a hypercritical eye, try to look in the mirror and pretend it's someone else. And as someone else mentioned, ask for feedback from your friends, who see you more objectively.
Two - what kind of looks, that you think are so far off from yours? I mean, if you are finding plenty of women who meet your standards, maybe this is a misapprehension and you are not as picky as you think, nor as far apart in looks from those you find attractive . If you have impossible standards, that's certainly something to work on, but maybe you are just thinking about this in a way that makes it feel impossible when it's not.
It can never hurt to take a step away for awhile and just work on yourself though. Be a person who you like, keep doing the things you love and enjoy them, let go of trying to date for a time, be nice to yourself.