I'm sitting in the backyard after work with my beard, my alcohol, and watching my chickens hunt grasshoppers in the yard... I nearly felt personally attacked.

If that had said "beard, alcohol, and chickens" then I would've been resigned to the stereotype.

Edit: on the beard, I'm just lazy. It's just going to grow back anyway plus it's a time saver. I'm rolling out of bed, into clothes, and into work at 05:30. Ain't nobody got time for shaving. I gave up on shaving about 40 years ago.