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How to deal with a partner's chronic pain (slrpnk.net)
submitted 2 months ago* (last edited 2 months ago) by BlackRoseAmongThorns@slrpnk.net to c/relationship_advice@lemmy.world
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Been in a relationship for a year, since early in the relationship my partner has been suffering with chronic back pain. This pain is almost always present, this causes breakdowns multiple times a week, especially on weekends.

I've been having a hard time helping her manage her pain and being there for her, it reoccures so much that I'm starting to feel myself becoming apathetic towards her, and sometimes outright cold.

I haven't really been getting a chance to rest from being emotionally available, or even socially available (even though life circumstance already caused me to basically halt all social life). And i haven't really had a weekend this past months that i could use to rest instead of being on call and hearing her cry most of the day.

I feel like I'm pouring from an empty cup and that I don't have any other choice, otherwise I'd be leaving her to deal with it herself.

It feels like it's going to be the end of our relationship, any advice?

p.s. we're a man-woman relationship, young adults, both of us not really experienced in relationships, if that's any help.

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[-] AFKBRBChocolate@lemmy.world 9 points 2 months ago

My wife has had chronic pain (CRPS) since 2008. Some thoughts and observations:

  • It's important to step back and think about your role. My situation was different than yours: I was married with kids for twelve years, you've been together for a year and aren't married. It really is okay for you to decide it's more than you can handle. Your gf doesn't need to be with someone who becomes bitter about a part of her that she can't control.
  • If you decide the pros of being with her outweigh the cons of what being with her requires, you should fully embrace that that's your decision. It's fine if you have down days over it or whatever, but on the whole it just becomes part of your life and it's your decision.
  • The two of you should talk about how to get each of you what you need. My wife could sometimes do things, but often just couldn't, and it was cancerous trying to have a conversation every day or every week about what she could do. It was much better for both of us for me to just assume I was doing laundry and dishes and stuff, and her doing what she felt up to when she could. By the same token, it's super hard on a person to feel like they aren't making a contribution or are dependent on someone else.

Good luck!

[-] Anticorp@lemmy.world 3 points 2 months ago

By the same token, it's super hard on a person to feel like they aren't making a contribution or are dependent on someone else.

It's super hard on good, caring people. Some people are happy to ride the pity train forever.

[-] BlackRoseAmongThorns@slrpnk.net 2 points 2 months ago

Thank you very much, i don't mind doing most of the housework, thing is we don't live together (yet, hopefully we will soon), so there's a lot of guilt and other feeling on her side, i hope i can hold it just a bit more, until it gets better.

this post was submitted on 07 Sep 2024
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