oop sorry it would cost $1,999.99 to repair this face ID scanner, would you like to purchase our new iPhone 18 Ultra Pro Max Lite ++ with Wii motion+ inside instead?

Because you admitted to an employee over the phone that your glands occasionally produce sweat, we've determined your damage is in fact water damage not covered by warranty and all data is therefor unrecoverable. You may now purchase a new device.

The closest Apple store to me is a 90-minute drive. The closest place to me selling Apple devices is a Walmart a few miles away.

There is a place in town which repairs Apple devices. It is not an Apple store.

Which place would I rationally take it to if I wanted to get it repaired?

My front facing camera on my iPad stopped working. My device is pristine, has always been in a case, has zero cracks, and has never been dropped. I brought it in to an apple store and they said they could fix it for half the price of a new one. Fuck 'em. I'd rather just do it myself. It was out of warranty by a few months maybe. I don't remember. The front camera isn't worth half the price of a new device.