What's your relationship like with your grandparents?
My grandma passed last weeek. I've been thinking about my relationship with her and my other grandparents. My family and I visit them on holidays and they were nice enough. But I don't feel like I knew my grandma or know my other grandparents.
I think my family is weird maybe? Idk it's the only one I know lol. We'd talk about tv and movies we've watched recently. What they watched. Tell the grandparents what was going on in our lives. Ask about what was going in grandma and grandpas life. Mostly get answers like "same old same old", tales of doctor visits, or NCIS.
But like who are they as people? What were dreams when they were young? what adventures have they been on? what sparks joy in their life? What struggles have been through?
Like if I had to describe my grandmother I'd say she was a nice, pleasant lady who was mostly kind and liked cats, but not enough to get her own, just fed the neighbors cat. A description a stranger could give after meeting her talking for a bit maybe.
Looking back at my relationship with my grandparents, it all feels surface level. I never shared any of the hard shit I was dealing with, never really vulnerable around them. They were never vulnerable around me.
I don't know many details of their life beyond career, maybe the places they've lived, pets they've owned.
Maybe that's a reflection on my parents. We were never really vulnerable with each other about stuff, when someone was it was often mocked. My parents were not good parents a lot of the time. Who knows maybe that's a result of their parents?
But umm yeah, Lemmy what's your relationship like with your grandparents? Are you real close? Do you know them well, or more like a coworker you enjoy occasionally small talking with? Or rotten shitbags? I wish I knew my grandma better.
All four are dead now, but mixed while they were alive.
Paternal grandfather had severe physical and mental problems from military service. He was basically a presence in the corner, while the family told stories of who he was long before I was born.
Paternal grandmother was a gardening and baking genius. She taught me so much. She was also worn down caring for kids, grandkids, and her husband who was wholly dependent on her for everything.
Maternal grandmother was a tough one. Raised lots of kids through poverty with a shitbag husband for many years. She coached all of us girls never to be fully dependent on a spouse. Good for a person, good for the relationship, that each partner have some independence and autonomy.
Paternal grandfather got pulled into criminal activities that destroyed the family's financial stability. I wonder what my grandmother could have been if not leashed to that man. He wasn't physically abusive, he just drained her soul and spirit over the decades. When I hear trad Christians like JD Vance want to get rid of no-fault divorces, I think of my grandmother stuck with her husband. She couldn't go anywhere, all he provided was his legal identity that she worked through. She held a job, the money went into his bank account because she couldn't have one. She paid the bills. She cared for the kids and the house. She was an involved member of the community. He was dead weight tied around her neck.