I'm my worst critic by far, and far too critical in general.

But you know what makes me frightened? That I'm somehow worse at everything than I'm aware of.

Like ever since school and therapy and work and stuff "you have incredible self awareness" but I sit there and think, well shit, knowing I'm imperfect, and knowing how low my self-confidence and self-respect are, and hearing everyone say I have incredible self awareness, fuck, that means I'm missing something.

On the positive side - the self awareness I lack could be explained by how hypercritical I am of myself; I'm not aware of my true strengths. But on the negative side; I'm not aware of my true strengths, and therefore my own true weaknesses. Without these, how do I know what I am aware of/not aware of?

How do I know what I really am aware of? Is awareness even real? How do I not know I'm delusional just by thinking I'm real? How do I know I'm not delusional just by being able to self reflect?

I gotta take a breath