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Americans when they visit Germany the first time
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How do you cross the Autobahn without dying?
Or is it simply best to never do that?
You don't. Autobahnen usually exist between cities, and are separate from other types of traffic. Your vehicle also needs to meet a minimum speed requirement to be allowed on. When an Autobahn runs through a city, there's usually a grade separation.
It is a crime to cross the Autobahn
Not if you're using a bridge.
How do you carry the bridge across the autobahn?
On your back obviously, do you even lift?