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this post was submitted on 01 Nov 2024
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[Migrated, see pinned post] Casual Conversation
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Well, for starters, when they say something that disgust me or pisses me off online. Not being able to express freely sucks
Have you considered that your anger can have consequences for people on the other side, and that this can even be harmful - and that if you feel disgusted or upset about something it doesn't always give you the right to express that anger directly at someone?
I mean, I want to be sympathetic, I get how a corporate and sanitized internet can feel wrong and changes the kinds of community that are possible, e.g. young boys on Xbox live were known for saying vile things and riling one another up (as boys commonly do), but as someone who was also present in that culture at the time, not everyone felt at home or comfortable in that environment, and the bullying and culture often made me feel like I couldn't enjoy those games.
Sometimes tolerance and civility is a small price to pay in exchange for making spaces accessible to other people. That said, I'm not sure every space needs to be like this - so again, I want to be sympathetic here.
To be honest you don’t come across this way. It’s very easy to sympathize with OP’s position, for a person who wants to.
There's a saying in my mother tongue that goes like "say what you want, hear what you don't". Even in situations where you need to have a more coarse tone, having some level of finesse to the words sent would help not just in not getting sanctioned, but also on getting past people's defenses more easily.
That shit NEVER works. Especially online, just for being a goodie 2 shoes online nobody is going to be "oh yeah you're right, I apologise and I'll change my ways" life isn't a Disney movie
Finesse doesn't mean bowing down to everyone. And indeed, expecting people to put their egos aside, at least quickly, is unrealistic, and even if the person takes in the points later on, chances of admitting are also low. But for example, if the person is clearly aggressive by his/her discourse, specially when including swear words, people tend to close down to whatever the first person is trying to say, or even respond proportionally aggressively.
Being told how to express yourself under threat of having the power to express yourself taken away appeals only to the cretins. Unfortunately the cretins are in the majority. They eat crap and smile.