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this post was submitted on 08 Nov 2024
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988 is the national suicide prevention hotline and it is going 24 hours a day. But even if you won't call it, let me tell you a story. It is a story I have never told before and only the people who were there know it happened:
10 years ago, I was diagnosed with atypical trigeminal neuralgia. It is known as the suicide disease because of the intensity of the pain. I was also on various opioid medications that a doctor was putting me on in the hopes of helping me (none did) and I apparently have some sort of reaction to opioids that makes me pretty psychotic if I take them for more than a week.
Anyway, I got in a big fight with my mother while I was visiting her and I decided to hang myself.
I won't go into the specific details, but let's say that I was saved by a light fixture that was not very well anchored to the ceiling.
And almost every day since then I have regretted it. No matter how bad things have gotten, I realized all the people who would have been hurt by me doing it and I have yet to get over that guilt. Maybe I never will.
I firmly believe that there is no afterlife. This is all we've got. Do not check out early even if it's hard now. It might not be as hard later. Eventually I found the right medication and I am not in the severe pain I used to be in most of the time.
Meanwhile, now I'm dealing with another major illness and again, it's been really hard. But this time I'm sticking with it and I'm going to get better.
Similarly, I had a plan before Trump won in case he did and now it's being put into action. It's not too late for you to make one. One that doesn't involve what you're thinking of doing.