I hate the disassociation so much, especially since I have no control over when it happens. I'm always missing the first few words of a conversation when someone starts talking to me and have to use context to figure out what they're talking about. The worst is when it happens in the middle of a conversation. I'm trying to listen but then suddenly I just tune-out without warning, often without realizing it.

It's beyond frustrating, especially when you're trying to have healthy relationships. I come across as uncaring and selfish, which is the worst part. Nobody believes me when I say that I'm trying my hardest to listen.