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Anon tries to understand his coworker
(sh.itjust.works)
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this post was submitted on 16 Nov 2024
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I'll never understand how difficult people make things by not being forthright and making things awkward:
"Is it okay if I bring my boyfriend?"
"...I think there's been a misunderstanding. I had asked you on a hike as a fun first date, I didn't realize you had a boyfriend. I'm going to bow out of this, but I can give you the hike info if you want to take him." And then you laugh about the misunderstanding the next work day, and keep things at work from then on. No reason for it to get bad. Flirting is still fun! Just leave it at that without expecting anything more.
Don't flirt with someone single if you're not interested, don't flirt with someone in a relationship if you're not interesting in breaking it.
It's just that simple.
Being polite and friendly to a person isn't flirting. Sexless losers who never leave their basement always think a girl being friendly to them is flirting with them.
I wonder if you have a different definition of flirting, because the end goal of flirting is not necessarily to gain a relationship.
Unless you make it extremely clear from the get go that it's just for fun then flirting with someone you're not interested in is risky and even if it was made clear, there's always a risk something will develop on one side.
It's never this cut and dry in real life though. People often misinterpret others' actions as flirting when they're just being friendly. For some people, a woman smiling and making eye contact is flirting. It's not on the person who's being friendly "to make it extremely clear from the get go" that they aren't interested in going out with you. It was on anon to ask this woman if she was single if he wanted to ask her out
The anon countered this argument with the assertion that co-workers agreed about the level of flirting (which means it was likely pretty obvious). Also lamenting about doing things alone is pretty easy to interpret as a sign/hint about being single.
It was the way anon handled break off that was awkward. Though it’s understandable that his feelings were hurt in that moment, and it may have been difficult to respond thoughtfully.
Idk, unless you make it extremely clear from the get go that you're treating an event as a date you shouldn't be mad if the other person has a partner especially if you never asked if they were single.
Life is risky.
yeah, flirting for fun can be ... fun, but obviously OOP wasn't te only one to read more into that. There's a line between "platonic" flirting and getting someone's hopes up.
Miscomunications can happen. She probably wasn't aware that what she meant as friendly behviour was comming across as serious flirting to other people. No need to instantly suspect malice, she was obviously shocked and shamed by the result, so much so that she quit her job, which seems rather extreme to me.
I just find it hard to agree with because at no point did anon ask if she was single. He assumed it because he thought she was flirting. He even went so far to ask her on a date.
Ah, sorry, I thought you were single and that this would be a fun first date. My mistake, and enjoy the hike w/your boyfriend.
Nothing wrong with that. Mistakes happen, and the ability to clarify them and work well together afterwards is more important than not making mistakes.
Apparently anon is incapable of this though lol.
Or at least, hasn't learned to do out yet.
Not necessarily but very commonly it is. Especially if you keep at it. It's just something to keep in mind if you do it knowingly. She might've not realized.
Some people think flirting means they want more.
"Why can't men understand hints?"