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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/strawberryhopp0607 on 2023-10-03 02:59:13.
Me (25f) and my husband (29m) recently took in my little sister (10f) earlier this year. She was living with her grandpa (74m), who has terrible health, in a half abandoned apartment building.
Backstory: My little sister is my half sister; we share the same dad (42m). Her mom (36f) raised my sister till she was 2, and my sister has been with her grandpa ever since. Raising a child never aligned with her mom’s party lifestyle. Her mom is also bipolar, doesn’t take her medication, has outbursts, does other drugs, etc. Our biological dad just got out of prison for DWIs, broke probation, and is now wanted. Her grandma lives out of state and is rarely home with her love for travel.
The problem: It’s been really hard for me ever since we took my sister in. It’s been hard to adjust going from no kids, to a 10yo, plus all the trauma. She can get under my skin, like siblings do, but she’s a good kid. But I am questioning if we should let my sister live with her grandma (50f) after she finally expressed interest in raising her (for the record, her grandma said no the first time). But that decision comes more problems that I’ll come back to.
My feelings: I stopped talking to my dad’s side when I went away for college (2018). They are pretty dysfunctional, struggle with alcoholism, teen pregnancies, etc. However, ever since we took my sister in, I now have to deal with them. This has brought up a lot of trauma for me, tears, fears, and hate. I should also note that they are not a fan of being cut off from her.
My sister’s feelings: What complicates it even more is that my sister doesn’t really understand the dangers. She bounces between wanting to live with us and wanting to go back. When we initially brought her in and away from her grandpa’s bad living situation, her grandma and mom said they couldn’t take care of her. So I stepped in. Now, her grandma said she is willing to take her in. She feels guilty and wants to make it right. We originally said no, but my sister was 100% on board. This of course stirs up sadness and resentment in my heart. I went through a lot to bring her in. But I hate myself for feeling this way. She’s a kid, so she believes the best in people.
Her grandma: Her grandma doesn’t have a place to stay yet and doesn’t have a date to move. She will most likely be with my sister’s mom. Plus, that means being closer to the dysfunctional family.
Ultimately, I’m sad that I’m even questioning letting her grandma take her in. Because in all her years, her grandma has never proven to change. I wish I was stronger to deal with all the trauma, but I’ve never felt more mentally, physically, and emotionally exhausted in my life. I also feel like I’m “giving up” when I said I would give her a better life.
Am I the asshole because I feel like I simply can’t do this anymore? My sister would be thrilled to move in with them, but I feel guilty as an adult letting a child decide.
Sorry — I should also add that we are her legal guardians in the meantime. Her parents signed over their rights after they didn’t take her in the first time. We have to have her in our care for 6 months before we can adopt.